Christmas choices

 Tired does not begin to express how my body feels today…this week…this month! I wondered if Christmas would be hard because of the emotion of remembering Christmas pasts with Millie. It is not (so far!) I have sweet memories of her in the past. Christmas seems to be so hard because of all the expectations that come with it. Parties, food, gifts, events, music, decorations, all beckon me to get with it…to get moving. The more it calls, the more my body shuts down. I am not being a scrooge, rather I am just not physically able to do it. My mind does not want to engage in the efforts it takes to have a Merry Christmas.

My disclaimer here is yes I know all the right things to say…

• Take time for myself

• Rest

• Do not give into others’ expectations

• Do what is best for my grieving

However, reality sings a different tune. Reality says, “you are a mom of lots of other kids, you have to do this”. It reminds me “if you don’t do it, who will?”. It points out that all of us did not die and those left behind deserve to live life as we wait for heaven... it is just hard for daddy and me to imagine that.

So, the truth is I am not doing a great job ‘taking time for myself’. I am not resting well. My body is aching all over, especially my lower back (I am not sick). I have eaten so much JUNK that I am swollen and inflamed. My self-control towards Christmas treats is lacking mainly because they are readily available and take no effort to make. Isn’t crazy that I know I will feel awful, yet I keep making bad choices almost methodically. Choosing easy over healthy. Circling the drain, I guess…

What I crave right now is simple, quiet peaceful moments. Instrumental music that is relaxing, soft twinkle lights, a clean house, and JOY. Can you imagine the JOY Millie has this Christmas? What a day that will be when we join her at the feet of Jesus. When the trappings of this world fade away and we meet him face to face.

Speaking of Christ are you aware that the “Star of Bethlehem” is visible in the sky tonight. It is believed by many that this it the star that the Magi followed to find the babe in the manger. Today is also the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the season and the longest night. From here forward the days start to get longer and we start to look towards spring, at least they think so in Hobby Lobby. Most of the Christmas things are gone and spring is quickly filling the aisles! Next week stores will be putting out swimsuits. Obviously, I’m tired when I can start with Christmas and end up with bikinis all in one post, haha!

I hope your family is having a Merry Christmas season. I hope your financial needs are met. I pray your family is well and can be together. I hope your heart is open to the calling of Christ both for salvation and for direction for your life. Pray for us parents’ tonight that have but one need in our life…. a need that will not be fulfilled this side of heaven’s gates. It is a need to hold our little ones in our arms once again. Pray for our hearts, our peace, and our stamina to continue on in life. Blessing Friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝓘 𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓫𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓮𝓿𝓮 𝓲𝓷 𝓜𝓲𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓮’𝓼 𝓜𝓲𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓵𝓮 ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

𝓗𝓮𝓫𝓻𝓮𝔀𝓼 11:1　

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆