We wear GOLD...Together!

 I have shared how Millie was diagnosed and how we left the hospital simply walking by faith, but before our story goes on I have to back up to the elevator ride to the 10th floor oncology department. Hearing they were sending us to see the cancer doctor of course is terrifying. As I stepped into the elevator, I quickly place a call to my friend Christie. I had visited with her during the day before we headed to Urgent Care so she was aware of my fears. As she answered I simply said, “they are sending us upstairs to see a cancer doctor.” She asked who we were seeing and after hearing my answer, quickly assured me that he was a good doctor. You see Christie had walked this same path 4 years earlier. Her son Andy had Leukemia. Millie would be seeing Andy’s doctor.

I hated that my friend had to walk through such a scary, life threatening disease. I hated that she had to see her son endure so many harsh and painful treatments. I hated that she had feared for Andy’s life. I hated the uncertainty and upheaval it placed in her life. However, I loved that when it was time for me to join the club of ‘cancer moms’ she was the one there to welcome me and walk me through it. She called me frequently. She brought meals. She allowed one of her daughters to come be our mother’s helper for months on end. She and her husband came to the hospital to just sit, listen, cry, and share what we were feeling. She even babysat Millie for me at the beginning when I trusted no one who had not lived it, simply so David and I could take a desperately needed date night.

Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

Now Christie has been a dear friend for years. We are in the same homeschool group. Our older children were childhood best friends and often together. We always enjoy each other’s company, but all that pales to when you need a friend who can walk by you offering support born from experience. A mom that can come along side of you and hold your hand. Yes, you have your faith in Christ, but when your faith feels shaken and your heart is weary, an experienced mom can let you know it is going to be alright. Yes, it IS going to be alright… it will never be the same, but we will be okay. I hope that does not come across as callous. I loved Millie more than life. I miss her every day. That will NEVER change. There is never a day when you are separated from your children that you do not think of them…all of them! The simple fact that I write and share her life each day points to how great of a loss it is to us left behind. Nothing fills that hole; we simply learn to function with a hole in our hearts.

I ask Christie if I could share Andy’s story with you and she agreed. The sad thing is I do not know many of the details. I was so caught up in my life that when her life was falling apart, I was just vaguely aware. I might have taken a meal or offered childcare. I did pray for his healing. However, I failed to put my love of Christie and Christ to feet. I failed to be that support that she most assuredly needed.

The part of the story that I most assuredly know is that Andy fought the battle. He WON the victory. While Millie’s bell was rung at the funeral, Andy’s bell was rung in the oncology clinic, PRAISE GOD! An additional praise is not only did he beat Leukemia, but on August 24, 2020 he went for his 5-year appointment. If you make it to your 5-year appointment, it is very unlikely that your cancer will ever return. Andy should go on to live an abundant life!

Now Christie and I have shared over the last 7 weeks a sadness that Millie’s healing was heavenly instead of ringing that small brass bell on the wall of the 10th floor clinic. We have shared the pain and the sorrow of grief. We have shared how Millie has impacted our family and even each of you readers. We have also shared great JOY! We have shared joy that Andy was healed. We have shared an understanding that feelings are not true indicators of our joy. I can be happy or sad on a daily basis, but that is not JOY. My joy comes in knowing without a doubt that Jesus has my little one and I WILL see her again someday. She is HOME! She is SAFE! She is where I hope all my children will be someday (not now of course).

If you know a kid with cancer, you know a family with cancer. You see, cancer affects everyone that loves that child. It can destroy the family as much as it can destroy the child. It steals time, routines, health, money, peace, freedom, and relationships. I want to share with you how you can help these families. Some people mistakenly think cancer parents are out to profit from the child’s illness. That is so far from the truth! They would trade anything to see their child healed. Here is what helped us the most. I share in hope that as you come across other families in need you will know how to bless them.

1) Acts of service… bringing groceries, freezer meals, warm dinners, watching kids (if you already have an established relationship with the child), house cleaning, and doing laundry.

2) Gift cards from Walmart, Aldi, Visa, Gas cards, fast food, and Uber eats.

3) Fundraisers… t-shirt sales, bracelet sales, and event fundraisers

4) Paypal and Go fund Me helps to pay utilities as the parents cannot work. Insurance deductibles. Lodging and Travel expenses. In our case they helped with funeral expenses and buying a headstone.

5) Gifts for the child: This can be a touchy subject. Please hear my heart…EVERY gift is appreciated!

o Gifts that come for all the siblings are better than just for the cancer kid. Can you imagine the day that one child became the queen of the house and no one else mattered? The siblings do notice that they are not as important as the ‘sick kid’ and often get left out.

o Gifts that are DISPOSABLE are wonderful! Like painting, play-dough , projects, stickers, anything to keep little hands busy but then go away.

o New clothing because the treatments cause swelling, and things get stained or ruined as they lay in bed playing.

o Hospital things like a wagon, tricycle, thermometer, suitcases, Ipad with games, or digital movies subscription like Disney+.

o Multi piece toys that can be changed many times. Legos, wikki sticks, tinker toys, Lincoln logs, etc.

o Stuffed animals, dolls, and blankets are wonderful, but they also get overwhelming when you receive hundreds. Simply ask the parent if that is a need or want. There might be a favorite that the child wants, and you can meet that need.

6) Gifts for the family: Trips, chances to make memories, a party in a box, or photography sittings.

7) Gift for the parents: gum, hard candy, travel blankets, travel pillow, travel toiletries, snacks, water bottles, drink mixes.

8)One of our readers, a grandmother, added these suggestions to "Gifts for Grandparents": If they have to travel, maybe gas cards, food cards. Something to help with their expenses when they go see their grandchild. Fun night out with the other children.

Is anything above a need? YES! Is most of it a want? Possibly. However, these are the things that brighten a cancer kid’s day. These things make it a little less dreary in the middle of treatment. At this point you realize we no longer have a cancer child. We are NOT asking for anything. I simply want you to know how to best serve others in a time when you feel so helpless and they feel so hopeless.

Until tomorrow….