In February of 2019, our sweet, happy girl Millie became a bear to live with. She cried and whined all the time. We though the terrible twos had arrived! Each evening while I cooked dinner, she would cry and beg for me to hold her. I tried putting her on my hip, but she would demand to be ‘on your front’. As soon as daddy got home she quickly moved to begging him to hold her.
At that time, she still slept in our room. She began talking in her sleep and having restless dreams. She tossed and turned, keeping us up all night. It got so bad we thought ‘well its time to move her to her own room’ and so we did. We dressed her in ‘ducky feet’ jammies. That is what we call the zip up footed sleepers. She would wake up in the morning just drenched in sweat. Her sweet hair was damp and standing out crazy! I couldn’t imagine how I was overdressing her in the middle of winter.
She started to run all her baby fat off. Her arms and legs were really beginning to look thin. She was a picky eater but seemed to eat anything I was eating. She had a few colds from February until May, a little fever, sometimes a snotty nose. Nothing to be concerned with. She had an ear infection, just the regular childhood sickness. I think we saw her doctor three times during that spring.
She became constipated and would complain of a bellyache. We kept trying to treat it and finally decided that she must be impacted (with poop). We headed to urgent care for a second opinion on that Tuesday evening. We got there at closing time and after looking at her, they sent us to the local Emergency Room. Once there, she had an x-ray of her abdomen and it showed she was clearly constipated. They decided to treat that with a suppository hoping to get things flowing. We pointed out a lump beside her bellybutton that we had found that afternoon. We questioned what it was? The ER doctor assured us that in all the belly’s he had looked at over the years, that was nothing to worry about. I begged him to just feel it. When he did, he again said don’t worry about it but her liver being enlarged worries me. He sent off orders for a CBC. They came back that her liver enzymes were off. He said “This could be something big or nothing at all. We are referring you to Children’s Hospital”. We left there with a belly cleaned out and a mind filled with concern.
The next day, Children’s called to schedule us with a Liver Specialist the following day, Thursday. That alone concerned me. The waiting list for the hospital can be weeks out, yet they wanted us the next day. David went to work that morning and I packed a bag for Millie. I felt in my heart that this was serious, and she would be staying there. I don’t really know what I thought she might have, but Leukemia came to mind. It was the childhood cancer I was most familiar with. I only knew the name of one other, Neuroblastoma. I knew that one was rare and scary in my mind. We had a friend whose two-year-old son had passed away over 12 years ago from that.
Arriving at the hospital, we found the liver specialist office. We were promptly taken back. The doctor we saw talked about food allergies, throwing out the idea of her being Celiac. She examined her and didn’t find anything odd. However, as a precaution she sent us for another CBC blood test and an abnormal ultrasound. I called daddy at work expressing that she would NOT be happy about the blood draw and he needed to meet us there. We went on in for the ultrasound. The tech was very though. Although her talk was very light and friendly, her face was very concerned. Looking at the screen I could see white circles that looked out of place. Not knowing what that meant but thinking it was serious, I told her “We live a long way from here. If we need to see a doctor please do not allow us to leave. We will wait.” Daddy came in at this time and we were seated in the waiting room to wait… but for what we did not know.
Finally, they came to say we are taking you up to the 10th floor to the HEM/OC department. I did not even know that the OC part stood for Oncology, nor did I know Oncology meant cancer. I was still blinded to the truth of what having a child with cancer means. We were met by a kind doctor who was charged with the job of telling us “It looks like Amelia (Millie) has cancer.” Now my ears were on high alert. I never heard him say Neuroblastoma. That would have destroyed me. I’m sure he said Wilms cancer…maybe he said that was a possibility? Daddy heard otherwise, but then he didn’t know the seriousness. He had no idea our sweet little friend had died of that very disease.
I’ll leave off here… there is 382 of story after this time. Rest assured that as we left there, we knew not what we faced, but we trusted in GOD the he would be faithful to walk through this with us.
We clung to the verse:
Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”
We left knowing Millie needed a Miracle…
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