Teaching your children to work

 I have worked every day for the last 30 years with small children…my own. I think I can assuredly say I understand them, their tendencies, and their mindsets—most of the time! I see what tempts them and know that they don’t always make the wisest or well thought out choices. They have the tendency to be lazy, selfish, greedy, deceptive, and even down right mean to those around them…that is sin nature. Interestingly enough, as adults we battle those very same tendencies. The difference is as an adult we can usually see the long-term results of those behaviors. Children are very short sighted. They don’t think, “Will this matter in 10 years?” or “Will I hurt another person?” They instead think, “What can I get out of it?”. I believe as adults we are responsible for training them in a way that helps them become productive adults. They won’t always choose to follow how they were trained, but it gives them a better chance of being successful later in life.

With each of my children I have tried to train them to “Work until it is time to play”, rather than play until it is time to work. That might sound like the same thing but let me assure you it is far different. If I keep Little Man busy working on schoolwork and household chores then when I say, “You are free to go play for a while”. He is happy to have play time. He is not “Bored!”, nor is he whiny.

If I instead say, “You may play until I call you to help me” you can be assured that when I call him, he will drag his feet, whine, beg for more time to play, even get angry, all because I am interrupting his playtime. He comes to expect to play and not work. He feels entitled to free time and is put off from hard (or even easy) work. He thinks he ‘deserves’ free time. This is the nature of a child.

Now even though I know this, I often fail at it. I think, “Just today I will let him play” and it always backfires. There are times we go months without really expecting much work or receiving it from the children. I forget to ask them to help me in the kitchen or with everyday tasks, then when I do they are often put out that I would expect them to work. Just today I asked SJ and him to empty all the trash cans, rebag them, and take the trash to our dumpster. His first response was, “Why would you ask us to do that?” Another sign that as a mom, I have failed to yet impart the ‘Our family is a team’ mentality into him until it is second nature. I don’t blame the kids—they are being kids. I do blame the parents (US) as we have too often let them off easy.

There is a cultural thought in America right now to “Let them be little” meaning let the children stay kids as long as they can without the cares of adulthood. While I understand the sweet sentiment of that, the reality is we are training children who are self-centered, always expecting others to wait on them. We are training them to think that ‘the world revolves around them’. We want them to have better than we did, so we give them everything and make them work for very little. We are allowing them to grow up unprepared for their own homes and their own lives, all because we want them to enjoy childhood. The funny thing is children actually ENJOY work until we train them to dislike it.

How often has your child asked to help you in the kitchen but instead you sent them to play until dinner is ready? Yes it takes longer, makes more mess, and is so aggravating but so worth it to allow them to work beside you. I am not great at this, but I am making an effort to get SJ and Little Man in the kitchen more often. My other kids knew how to cook by this age. They knew how to clean. They could chore the animal and help on the farm. They knew how to WORK. Now we are training these two to work.

I have friends that I have watched be very successful in this area.

Mrs. L – Always lined all her little girls up on stools in the kitchen to help her. I have seen these girls work together joyfully getting their tasks done.

Mrs. D -She too always had her kids in the kitchen from early on. Even the baby was on the counter as she cooked. Her kids hang out in the kitchen and work with mom, or they can be found working with their dad in their family business.

Mrs. B – Had her daughters on a cooking rotation that each one took a different night of the week all through their teen years up until marriage. Her daughters also often were mother’s helpers (mine!), cleaned homes for elderly, and visited the nursing homes. They were very ministry minded.

Mrs. E – Her daughters knew how cook and every time our kids were together they could be found in the kitchen rolling out pizza dough, making scones, baking brownies, and popping popcorn.

Mrs. F – Had ministry minded children who grew to be teens that served many homes. Her oldest daughter was another one on my mother’s helpers over 17 years ago.

These women and many more have helped me to have a vision of what family work and family ministry should look like. Are any of them PERFECT? Of course not! They would be the first to tell you that. However, they LOVE Jesus and LOVE people—the two greatest commandments walked out.

If you have never heard the phrase “Preaching to the Choir” it means preaching to myself as much as you all. I hope you can catch the vision as mamas and grandmamas to let them be little AND let that mean that they can help you with your work. I also hope that I can be daily reminded that it is such a valuable thing. Instead of buying a play kitchen, let them help in your kitchen.

• Let them ‘wash’ the dishes—yes you might have to redo it, but the experience they have brings them joy to be needed in your family.

• Instead of playdoh, let them make pizza crust or bread with you.

• Let the help with the real baby (sibling) rather than a baby doll. My children loved to help care for the baby.

Millie was doted on and ‘helped’ far more than she ever wanted. She had already decided she was a big girl too and would often help mama in the house. I remember the day she made her own bed. It was not perfect, but for a 3-year-old she did a good job. Most importantly she was so proud of her job. Brings my heart a smile. She loved to vacuum, wash windows, help with the laundry, and of course any outside task with daddy was a hit. She always had her boots (or anyone else’s she could get on her feet) ready to help.

Teach your children to work…

Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men,”

2 Chronicles 15:7 “Now as for you, be strong and never be discouraged, because there will be reward for your work."

Exodus 35:2a “For six days work may be done, but on the seventh day you shall have a holy day, a sabbath of complete rest to the Lord;”

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

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