We walk by faith

 Often when facing something big in my life I will have to write the options down on paper and see the predicted outcomes to better make the right choice. I like to see if I choose to do certain things, then there are expected natural consequence. Some of the outcomes are predictable, while others can catch us off guard. I guess you could say I am a planner at heart.

Being a self-admitted planner is not to say that I do not have faith to pray about it. I know God gives us direction, but he also gives us discernment. We use his word as our basic life map. We use his principles as our compass. We use prayer as our SOS, reaching out to him anytime we are in distress. We also use his position as Captain to bring the daily, regular decisions to the table. We work through the problems step by step, often through fasting, prayer, seeking wise counsel, and lots of study of who GOD is. I do a lot of journaling, especially lately, letting my feelings pour out on to the paper so I can look at them and see if they are TRUTH filled. I know that feelings CAN and WILL lie to you. Decisions should not be made solely on feelings, but on solid FACTS too.

One example of this was when David and I chose many years ago to allow God to plan the size of our family. This was a hard decision. It was about giving up ‘control’ of our lives and trusting that God knew what he was doing. I remember writing it down in two columns, with column 1 being “No reversal” and the 2 being “Reversal”.

Column 1 held things like 1) Done with diapers 2) Traveling 3) Couple weekends 4) Quiet home 5) less expense 6) Keeping in better shape physically

Column 2 listed 1) Starting over after our baby was 5 years old 2) Not sleeping through the night 3) Diapers and potty training 4) More Homeschooling years 5) No Couples traveling 6) Larger expenses 7) Sacrificing body image 8) Noise...lots of noise!

As you know, we chose column 2. We chose to trust that God had a plan for our family size and that we could walk whatever he sent. In the next 18 years, he sent 7 pregnancies, a miscarriage and 6 live births. When the babies came just 2 years apart, we got nervous (you would too!) and we counted just how many children we might have at that rate. When some of the babies were born and headed into the NICU, we wondered “Lord should we stop now?” We asked each other if our trust had changed when things got hard. Both family and friends often made comments about ‘being done’. Complete strangers said the rudest things “If I had that many kids, I would kill myself’ “Do you know what causes that” “Now you have a Herd of kids”. Still we tried to walk in faith.

If you had told us then that one of those ‘reversal babies’ would not live but just 3 short years, do you think it would have changed our minds? I am glad we did not know what was to come. We would have been terrified. Our faith would have been tested in the ultimate test of fear or faith. However, looking back from where we stand now...YES! We would do it all again. Even if we were only given a short time together, it was worth every minute. Every pain, every tear, every fear was all worth knowing a little girl named Millie. I would not change one moment except the pain she had to go through. Honestly, Millie did not know her life was short. She only knew how to live for now. Each day was a joy as she awoke. Each night was a blessing as we rocked to sleep. She was not waiting for someday... She was not worried about if she would marry (I know that thought would have come later in life). She had no money problems to fear. She did not even wonder what next week would bring. She simply lived and loved life. If only we could all be so blessed. To live a simple life of a child...

2 Corinthians 5:7 “For we walk by faith, not by sight:”

***(This post is not a pregnancy announcement incase you are wondering, nor am I suggesting that you have the same path for your walk of faith. The Lord convicts us as individuals and couples differently. Where He convicts and lead YOU is where you go. Where he convicts and leads us is where our walk is.)***