A soft answer turns away wrath

 With any given problem, your vantage point can greatly change your perspective. All too often people will get in an argument not because one is in the right or one is in the wrong, but rather because they are focusing on different things and not recognizing what the other person sees as valid.

When we see this type of issue developing, we often have to make a split-second decision... Do we join in with the argument or do we choose to become a mediator? Can we be a voice that sees both side and calms the waters OR do we fan the flames joining in the attack? I had to deal with this type of situation today and was given the perfect example of the scriptural principal that says,

Proverbs 15:1 -- “A soft word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

By offering a soft answer rather than a harsh blast, I felt I was able to (at least) encourage each side to at least hear the other side. Interestingly enough, both sides were operating out of a very real FEAR of losing their child to the same devastating cancer that we did. One parent was sharing her fear openly and honestly with our group. The other parent could not handle this perspective and seemed to view it as simply being negative and discouraging. Not realizing that the first parent shared out of her own FEAR, but rather insinuating that she shared her perspective to instill greater fear in the rest of the parents in the group.

Now from where I stand, neither parent was wrong with their stance. The way they each viewed it was coming from where they are currently standing. And we all know if you are not standing in the same place, you are likely to see it differently. You might wonder why I am bringing that up? Because even two parents standing side by side like David and I, see our loss of Millie differently. Two mothers standing side by side who have both lost children, see our losses differently. Any two people are going to react to things differently, so why then do we expect people’s thoughts and views to line up to ours? Why can’t we accept that we are different, especially in how we grieve? We can share encouragement, pick each other up, and pray for one another, but we can not expect the other person’s thoughts to mimic ours. The moment we understand that is the moment we gain an insight to compassion. It is where we can say “I may not understand, but I still support you.”

So, does this different perspective hinder us? I believe it actually helps us. On days that things look so bleak, David is usually able to gather me in his arms and support my sobbing frame. On days that he just cannot quite get it together, I can usually step in and run interference. On the days we stand in the same place, feeling the same devastation at the same time, is the day we are a sad mess. It leaves us clinging to one another with wet pillows and broken hearts. It leaves us muddling through the mess. Thankfully, the Lord is present even on those darkest days as our trust is him is all that carries us. He is that third cord that binds us together and keeps us from breaking.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”