People often comment to me how strong I am. They will say “I couldn’t do what you do” or “I don’t know how you are doing this”. Some of these statements are helpful, others not so much. I do not feel strong. I am doing what any mother would. I fought for my child’s life and now I am fighting for the lives of my other children, my husband, and even myself. I am fighting the grief so that our lives do not end when Millie’s did. No matter how we feel, we can not just lay in the grave with her, it is not our time. God is not finished with our family. Satan would have us believe that he is. Satan would have us doubt the goodness of God. He would have us believe that because Millie was not given earthly healing that God does not care about us.
In the following scripture Paul was praying for God to remove something he was struggling with. He asked 3 times, however the answer was no. Instead Paul had to learn to TRUST and lean of Christ’s strength.
2 Corinthians 12:8-10 “For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. 9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”
My sweet Millie was a wonderful blessing in my life. I spend lots of time remembering her and her life here. I look through her photos and talk about her. I loved each moment, even the tough ones. I remember some of my earlier prayer requests where she was having major tantrums from the medication and having her routine life blown to pieces. I remember one day she went to our bedroom and destroyed it! She raged so hard, tearing her bed to pieces. Throwing blankets, pillows, toys, even our iPad in the floor. She screamed and cried; life was just awful for she and I both! Yet as I look back, even that memory, even that pain all wrapped itself around life…her physical life! Even the bad times become precious when they are all we have left.
As I seek to live my remaining time here on earth in a way that pleases Jesus, I am trying to come fully to terms with what I believe.
Do I believe what scripture says? YES!
Can I rest in the promises of GOD, even when I don’t like how that looks? I’m learning to.
Does that make it easier? No!
Is there a day that I go without shedding tears? Maybe, but most days I still cry at least once.
The important thing for me is to acknowledge my grief, but I CAN NOT STAY THERE. I can remember my sweet girl, but I must live in the here and now. I can not let the lives of my other children go by while I mourn missing my sweet Millie. Instead, I must take each thought captive. I must shove the “what ifs and whys” aside and focus on the blessings I still have surrounding me.
When King David’s son was dying, he fasted and prayed for healing. When that healing was heavenly, he had to get up and continue on with his life.
2 Samuel 12:16-23
16 David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth[a] on the ground. 17 The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.
18 On the seventh day the child died. David’s attendants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, “While the child was still living, he wouldn’t listen to us when we spoke to him. How can we now tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate.”
19 David noticed that his attendants were whispering among themselves, and he realized the child was dead. “Is the child dead?” he asked.
“Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.”
20 Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.
21 His attendants asked him, “Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!”
22 He answered, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ 23 But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”
David rested in the fact that he would go to his son someday in heaven. That is my hope and prayer, to go someday to join Millie. However, I have a job to do here still. I have children and grandchildren who need to hear of God’s goodness from my lips.
Finally, you might ask “what is the best thing to say to a grieving parent?” Here is a few that don’t sting…
• I do not pretend to know what you are going through.
• Have I ever told you my favorite memories of Millie?
• I am praying for you and am here if you need me.
These statements might bring tears to my eyes, but not to my heart. They do not remind me of my loss. They acknowledge that YOU remember how special my girl was. They say that you know her life was important. They say that you are here and aren’t tired of hearing about a little girl whose earthly life was only a little over 3 years, but whose heavenly impact will last forever. Millie and her Miracle has been far reaching…. PRAISE GOD!
No comments:
Post a Comment