Life is hard, right? We all know that is true. We have heard that expression that you are either headed into a crisis, in the middle of one, or coming out the other side. Life throws us a curveball more often than we would like. Sometimes we make lemonade, other times we drown in it! Everybody knows about hard times… that is so true! But do we know the same hard times?
Back in 1992, our hard times were being teen parents to a young children. We were very low income trying to finish high school and work at the same time. As soon as we graduated high school, we both started college, still working. By 1994, we added our son to the mix. David put more hours in working than he ever got to be home, yet he persevered…we even thrived through these hard times together.
In our seventh year of marriage life got hard again. We attended months of marriage counselling, read lots of inspiring books, changed jobs, moved to a new house, and relearned how to communicate with each other. We again did it together…
The fall of 2000, my grandfather’s dementia had gotten really advanced. Taking care of him was difficult on my grandmother and then she had a heart attack. Since their only child has passed away and I was the oldest grandchild, we moved them into our home providing around the clock care. I frequently took my grandparents and three small children to doctor appointments. All the children had their schoolwork in backpacks to keep their hands occupied. Life was HARD. The blessings were HUGE, but the workload was unmeasurable. Grandpa passed away that Christmas, leaving grandma alone for the first time in over 50 years.
In March 2001, David and I went to the doctor and had a vasectomy reversal surgery. This allowed our family to start, once again to grow. Our precious Katherine was born almost a year to the day later, in 2002. During the time between grandpa’s death and Katherine’s birth we had faithfully been grandma’s caregivers. We saw her through a major bowel resectioning and many other illnesses. We helped her when she broke her hand. She sometimes lived with us and sometimes went to her home for a short while until the next need arose. She was in our home the night our sweet Katherine arrived in an almost perfect homebirth. Grandma was so weak, yet she managed to climb the stairs to get a glimpse of that baby girl and make sure this mama was ok. It was an instant bond! By September, I was having gallbladder surgery and was sick as could be. In December, Grandma again went for a bowel rescection but this time I was planning her funeral, rather than caring for her during recovery. Life was so full. So many hard things, yet so much JOY even in the sorrow.
When we had been married 15 years, we bought the farm. It was in shambles! Rotten walls, snake skins in the walls, rodents and bugs, and huge trash piles were everywhere. We spent 9 months replacing sheetrock, flooring, insulation, walls, plumbing, hvac, and electrical. We put a new roof on, built a porch, and took more loads to the metal recycler than we could count. We burned huge amounts of debris and recycled upwards of 90 tires. We sold junk, fixed junk, and replaced junk. We were busy! Most of the work was again done by David who had already repaired our other homes, even flipping one to allow us to buy the farm. I stayed busy caring for my little children at a new neighbor and dear friend’s home. For nine long months they welcomed us in every weekend…It was hard work! Between us we had 14 children and 4 adults in the house for most meals. They are some of our best friends, really family by now. These are cherished memories, and we can never repay them for all their kindness to us. They are such a blessing!
Over the next few years, we had 2 NICU babies, David’s grandmother with dementia move in for 2 years, and a grandbaby came live with us. He has changed job positions, spent a year flying around the country training, which often left me to parent every few weeks alone. We have struggled through raising toddlers, teenagers, and releasing adults. Life has been HARD!
Next, 2019 came along. A year of good things, volleyball games, a family camping trip to Big Sandy, and a vacation to Grand Canyon, all until June 2019 hit. We had family pictures and a few weeks later a cancer diagnosis for our baby. We watched Millie fight for her life. As you know 2020 brought us ultimately having to accept that her time here on earth was short. That was so HARD! It left us to hold her in our laps and plan her funeral and then having to walk to the day she entered heaven. The worst and hardest day of my life! It watched us go through the motions of the service, then the getting up the next day. That was so hard. This year continually sees us get up each morning, realizing we are one day farther from her heaven day, yet one day closer to seeing her again. Living without her is HARD!
Each of these hard things were HARD in their own timing. What I thought was hard back 20 years ago, looks easier on this side of it. What I see as hard today seems like it will never get easier and honestly, I am not sure it will. It may be like amputating a limb of your body. You can live without it, but you never forget you once had it and no longer do. You will forever miss it. It will even cause you physical pain. I will forever miss my sweet Millie. Her heaven going will hurt until I join her.
As I have walked through the last year, I have had people say “what you are going through is so hard (yes, it is!) I could never survive that!” but reality is, you do not get a choice. What I am going through is hard, but so is your hard. No matter what your hard is, to you it is hard. It could be a sickness of yourself or a child. Maybe the death of a pet, an elderly family member or even your child. It could be the loss of your job, your home, or your financial standing. There are so many HARDS in this life. The only way we make it through is to look to Jesus. To rest in him, knowing that he can and will make beauty from the ashes of our pain.
Isaiah 61:1-3
The Year of the LORD’s Favor
61 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
God can and will use our pain for his purpose if we allow it. He did not cause our pain, but his will can be worked through it. He can cause all things to work together for good…
Romans 8:28
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.
This verse does NOT say ALL THINGS ARE GOOD… rather that in all things God works for our good. That is a huge difference that is often misunderstood. We want to blame God for the bad things, the pain, and we sure don’t want it to be called good, but that is not the heart of this scripture. His heart is a heart of restoration and renewal that will not be fully realized until heaven.
Often when others share their pain with us, trying to find common ground, they can cause an offence. Almost a silent war of “well my pain is greater than yours” wells up in our hearts. As believers, that attitude is WRONG. We are called to have a heart of compassion. Scripture tells us:
Romans 12:15
15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.
The essence of this scripture is to lay aside your own pain, pick up your friends’ pain and weep with them. Meaning stop for the moment and focus on what they are saying “I’m hurting and need to be heard.”
For myself, when I know someone is hurting, I must remind myself that their pain is HARD, not ‘my pain is harder’. I try to lay aside my grief and simply hear them, acknowledge them, and love them. This weekend that was done for me. At the Ladies “While We are Waiting Retreat”, the leaders laid down their pain for a few moments and focused solely on the mom that was sharing. Each of the attendees had major pain in their lives, yet they paused and gave me a set time to share my pain. They had a heart of compassion. That is the true essence of a life lived in Christ…
𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗚𝗼𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲.
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