Stone Cold

 Today has been a day of many tears, many memories, many decisions, mixed with little bits of truth. The long and short of it is that today held a lot of emotions. Not bad emotions, more just sad, and tiresome.

We started this morning by going to pick out Millie’s headstone. We thought we knew what we wanted but there are always final decisions to be made and things that need to be tweaked. We did alright other than the moment we stood in the yard picking the stone. It hit me hard that I should NOT be here picking a hard, cold piece of granite to remember my precious three-year-old’s life. We should be buying her a doll or an ice cream cone, not a gravestone! Though the tears fell, we pulled it together and got the details finalized.

Next, we went to the cemetery. This was the first time back there since the service. I wondered how we would feel. Would we cry? Would we be overcome? We were not. It confirms to us both that while our daughter’s earthly body resides there, we know without a doubt her spirit is in heaven. Once Millie’s spirit left her sweet precious baby body, our girl was no longer here on earth with us. We mourn her loss, but not that cancer ridden body that betrayed her. We mourn the loss of who Millie was and the promise that life held for her. We mourn the loss of future moments but are so grateful for the memories that God allowed us to make with Millie. The wonderful life she had filled with JOY, LOVE and even HOPE. Millie taught us so much.

As we came home to a busy afternoon, Daddy headed to tile the tiny house shower. He is amazing in that I think he knows how to do most everything! I had to drive kids back to town and then Little Man, SJ and I went to visit a friend. They played nicely in the yard on a horse tire swing. At one point he jumped on to the swing, bumping her in the chin. Oddly enough it caused her mouth to slam shut and chipped her front tooth. We had to head to the dentist to have it checked out. It was bad enough after the Xray and picture, they had to do a temporary filling and will place a permanent one next month. He felt so bad, but of course it was an accident!

I doubt I will write the next 2-3 days. We are going on a much-needed Marriage Retreat weekend at Fort Rock. We have an awesome sitter that is coming to watch the kids and our farm, while we head off to the Ozark Mountains. The last time we attended this it was with baby Millie in tow, 3 years ago. The time before that we attended with Little Man being just 6 months old. We have not had a night by ourselves that I can remember in 10 years! I’m not complaining, because of course I would of forever taken our little babies. When we decided to allow GOD to choose the number of children we had, we also chose to be content with whatever he chose. Being content in that aspect means doing what needs to be done, joyfully! I was very joyful to take our babies with us. I was joyful to get up in the night for the last 30 years. I was even joyful to have to change their dirty diapers, because it meant I got to be their momma.

A quick funny about Millie is that over the last year, she would always request for daddy to change her, especially if she was dirty “daddy do it better mom!” I had to laugh! He would try to convince her momma could do it, but she was adamant that her “daddy do it!” I teased him that it was paybacks for all the years he had me change them all. He loves all his kids, but he never loves changing their pants.

Until we ‘meet’ again:

Numbers 6:24-26

24 The Lord bless thee, and keep thee:

25 The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:

26 The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.

And Millie would shout PEACE!