I often hear of women losing themselves after they get married and have children, especially with what our family has just walked through. It is a common thought that we give so much thought and care for others that as women there is not much energy left at the end of the day for anything unnecessary. We pour out, but do not take the time to pour back in. That might just be true, but in a different way than it sounds.
I am here to say that what I lost was not so much myself, but my friends. Wise, exciting, informative, and encouraging, I have walked through life for years with these friends.
There was Marty, the new bride who knew virtually nothing about married life but tried so hard to do the right thing. As I watched her grow older and wiser, she put a longing in my heart to do the same.
There is my friend Dave who literally changed how my family functioned once we were willing to listen to his crazy antics and encouragement to be different than everybody else.
Then I am reminded of my friend Debi. She is an older lady who has been married and raised 5 or 6 kids. She is a preacher’s wife, who also homesteads and runs a small thriving business. She has lots of wisdom that she is so willing and gracious to share.
I also miss my friend Emily. She came into my life at a time that I was a new bride. I had little funds to decorate and make my house a home, yet Emily showed me simple ways to achieve what I wanted which was a clean, uncluttered, and welcoming space. What about my friend Nancy with her beautiful Australian accent? She along with her two daughters, Serene and Pearl have spoken magnitudes into my life on so many subjects. They share their heart about Jesus, family, health, and even nutrition.
You might have caught on by now that these friends are authors who most I have not met in person, but that have changed my life for the better. So how have I lost fellowship with them? I stopped reading! Me, the lady with a pile of books that I was constantly reading… in the bedroom, bathroom, car, on the porch, had chosen to lay my books aside and not read. I finished 1(!) book the entire time Millie was in treatment and that was only because the library wanted it back. In years past I would go to the library carry out an arm full of books, only to return the next week to get more. I frequently had my library card at the limit. So why the change?
I think for the last year my brain has been on overload. There was no extra room for information other than cancer treatment info. I guess I did read that book, but since it was not enjoyable, I hesitate to count it. The brain fog was so thick and so real that I often felt like I could not remember anything not written down. Finally, my head is starting to clear a little bit. I am still making lists and crossing things off daily. The day to day tasks I can accomplish, the bigger long-term ones hang over my head just waiting for the day I can take the time to complete them, then mark them off. Some are easy to complete, while other projects, especially those that involve Millie’s pictures and videos, leave me lost in another time just remembering my precious girl and our time together.
Now that life has slowed some (not really but I like to tell myself that! It is just a different busy), I am trying to reacquaint myself with those friends I hold dear. I have made myself a commitment that I would read a chapter a day and making note of the impact it has on me. I planned a book study to start soon with some friends. I have committed to reading my bible throughout the week. All these things that will pour into my soul, nourishing and filling me with encouragement once again.
Are you a reader? Fiction or nonfiction? Got any good life changing books to recommend?
No comments:
Post a Comment