I have always loved cotton fabrics…stripes, prints, plaids, even variegated are all beautiful. Fabric holds such promise when wound around a bolt. To walk through a fabric store is to breath in unlimited possibilities of new clothing, blankets, décor and gifts. Over the years some of my closest friendships were bonded around the sewing machines.
My grandma taught me early on to appreciate fabric. She saved scraps from projects she made, old clothing, and even garage sale finds. She was taught early in her life to save things that could be useful later. As her children grew, she sewed clothing for each of them. As they had children, she started making quilts. Every grandchild received a quilt from grandma. She sewed the great granddaughters’ pairs of pajamas. She made every new baby a quilt with a hand stitched tag with her name and the date embroidered on it.
After she passed away, I went through her fabric boxes. I snagged a small bag of scraps. Some had special memories of items made. Others were just pretty things that caught my eye. Over the years, I have used these scraps in projects of my own. I’ve used that fabric to repair my boys' quilts when the patches wore out. Now I am using it in a quilt top of my own. Before you admire how ambitious I am, just don’t! I haven’t physically worked on this top in a handful of years.
I need about 75 blocks (I think!). I have only completed about 30. These blocks are rough and not cut evenly. The blocks are sewn in the log cabin style with a twist. It is a crazy log cabin style. It has pieces that are crooked and mismatched. When I started, I thought the pieces should match and I struggled to choose the fabrics to include. Since then my dear quilting friend shared the secret to choosing things that contrast, not match, so that the fabrics pop out and catch your attention.
When you turn the blocks over, what you see might surprise you. The back of a block has frayed edges. It has knots and tangles. Sometimes the seams aren’t laying flat. The colors look faded. It’s hard to imagine this could become anything of beauty. However, turn the block to the correct side, use a straight edge and roller cutter, iron each seam, and the block takes on new life. The vision starts to come together that someday, this will be something of beauty. If you grab another block to sew on, it needs to be one that doesn’t match. Instead you should look at the vibrancy, placing light next to dark. By doing this, you cause your eye to stop and linger. You demand attention to the blocks individually rather than just seeing them as a whole blanket. Each block tells its own story.
My life has this same story. You could look at the whole and see a life of a wife and mom who loves Jesus or you could look at each block and see what each one represents in my life. Some of them are stumbling blocks; they are painful, and I would rather forget them. Some blocks are beautiful and filled with promise. Some blocks are boring and mundane. A few blocks hold memories of times past that had to be put together to become beautiful. Each block is unique.
A few blocks stand out in my mind as life changers. One of these is the block of having my first child. I was a young teen mom who had made foolish choices; ones that I knew better than to do. This block looks messy. It has tangled treads and crooked edges. By itself it looks lost and like it doesn’t belong. It once held shame for making an immature decision, however by placing it next to the block of marrying David it became a block of our redemption story. That precious little girl gave this mama’s heart something to strive to be. It pushed me to grow and be more than I would have been for myself.
The block of marriage also stands out in my mind. The Lord gave me a young man with a handsome smile and the most striking blue eyes. He loved me for me, but also loved himself. We both were selfish, wanting our own way in marriage. We spent time fighting about the important things of life like where to store your measuring cups… with your dishes (my mom) or with your drinking glasses (his mom). We had a lot of growing to do. Over the years of life, this block has relaxed. The seams have flattened out, the frayed edges are now soft to the touch. Marriage pushes you every single day as you strive to serve, respect, love, and care for someone else. You can fight it, but the tension will eventually wear the fabric down. This weakened spot will start to tear and disintegrate any marriage. Marriage blocks often require patches and repair.
The block of dementia left a stark contrast in my life. My grandfather battled this disease for the last few years of his life. Life was hard for my grandmother as she tried to care for him. He forgot things, made huge messes, was blind and hard of hearing. At night he couldn’t sleep and would wander the house and even sometime get outside. To be a support to them, David and I moved them into our home where they both stayed for the last 4 years of their lives. Dementia is not a pretty block but placed next to the block of raising small children the story becomes a beautiful one of family bonds.
Another block has been the homeschool mom block. No one told me how difficult this block would be to piece together. There are so many treads to capture and tame. The edges are rough and often the days are rougher. The pieces do not always fit like we envision they will. However, once this block is sewn together, it is a beautiful picture of how a family can blend.
The block that was added to my stack in 2019 is the cancer block. I never dreamed I would add this block to my quilt. As a matter of fact, I would have welcomed many other kinds of blocks before I ever accepted this one. To make it worse, this block could not be pieced by me. I had to watch my sweet three-year-old daughter try to learn how to piece this block. Her scissors were not yet steady, she couldn’t thread a needle, she didn’t know much about laying out the pattern, yet she was called to add this block to mama’s quilt.
Finally, the block of 2020, the block that no one asked for was the block of watching sweet Millie close her eyes that final time and open them in heaven. This block looks dark and dreary. It was sewn in tears. It is a block that does not make sense. The pieces seem to be ill shaped, but at the same time they fit perfectly like there was an unseen hand joining them together. This block is not a block that is admired because of it’s great beauty, yet it is a block anchored by the promise that someday as my final breath is drawn, Millie and I will start a new quilt together in heaven. This block is now an intricate part of my earthly story. It is the block I will point out when you ask me about my quilt. When you ask me how I knew to make a quilt, I will tell you about the unseen hand that guided me. I will tell you about how Millie received her miracle and how it changed me forever. With my quilt as my guide, I will tell you Millie’s story.
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