My pure grief exhaustion caught up to me. The little irritations stacked up, my patience waned, and I knew it was time to take a me break. Because I have older daughters and because they were off school for MLK day, I was able to take a nice long nap. I turned my soft music on, shut my room darkening curtains, and silenced my phone. My body NEEDED that so much. It helps me deal with the grief more logically if I am not overly tired.
The past few days as I have looked through Millie’s photos they just seem to take make the knots in my stomach so hard. It is like my brain knows if I look too long or focus on a memory too much I might start that slippery slope to agony. I have to back away, take deep breaths, and chose to find my gratitude. I frequently look at her wall portrait and just say, “I sure miss you Millie girl!” I know she cannot hear me. I believe she cannot see me, because if she did she would know my sorrow. In heaven there is no sorrow and there are no tears. I do not believe she is in the grave sleeping; I truly know that if we are absent in the body is to present with the Lord.
2 Corinthians 5:8 “Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord.”
I have a sweet friend whose son recently went to heaven. She has had people ‘reassuring’ her that her son is just sleeping not really in heaven. Let me say this CLEARLY…” That is NOT helpful!” As parents we are hurting so bad that the things that might seem obvious to you are also the things that we often avoid wanting to hear. A lot of that involves beliefs or platitudes that attempt to sooth us. Sayings like “its just God’s will” or “God had other plans”. These statements often heap more pain to a torn and bleeding heart, especially early on in this journey. It is understandable that if you have not lost a child to death that you probably will not know just what to say.
The truth is there is really NOTHING you can say that will make me feel worse about my child dying, nor is there anything you can say that will make me feel better. However, that viewpoint comes with me wanting to give GRACE to those that show up and try to comfort me even if they are not exactly sure how. I view each attempt as an outstretched hand of love and an offer of a comforting hug… no, the words may not be helpful, but the love offered is. Please continue to show up for us grieving parents. Continue to offer support. Continue to acknowledge that you do not know what to say but that you are here if we need you.
In all honesty, I now have a group of friends that have lost children…20…30? I am often unsure myself what to say to them. I fear offending them with my thoughts. I get anxious to offer the things that bring me comfort knowing that those very same thoughts might bring their hearts pain. I second guess myself, wondering if they are just farther along in the journey and see the pain more clearly than I do. The greatest gift shared with me and one I now offer is to give them is the opportunity to talk about their child. That precious part of their life and heart that now often is an awkward place to tread. In my presence their names are always mentioned, their memories are shared, and our hearts bond knowing that we understand each other’s pain.
Friends both in joy and sorrow, triumph and pain, life and death. Friends who love others are friends that are a cherished addition to life.
Blessings of Peace sweet friends,
｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
I still believe in Millie’s Miracle
｡･:*:･ﾟ☆Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
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