Random grief

 

Dear Friends,

 

This has been a rough week for me emotionally.  The kids have all been home due to the snow and I have loved that…but the kids have all been home without much to do because of the snow.  David has been here a lot this week.  Our driveway was too treacherous to be able to easily get any cars out of until today. This gave us a lot of family time mixed in with trying to get our schoolwork and farm chores done.  Extra movies and game times filled our free time, along with lots of noise when 7 people are all confined to a house for a week.  We ate down a lot of our groceries especially the quick stuff because no one felt like cooking too much.

 

 Today the weather decided to be beautiful and got up close to 50 degrees.  This morning I went out and did our animal chores with at least 5 inches still on the ground and huge icicles hanging from the eves of the house.  Tonight, bare grass and lots of mud are showing through.  Our faithful Oklahoma has returned from its winter vacation mode---back to snowing and then melting off with a 40-degree temperature change in just one days’ time.

 

Today also spurred Katherine into making a lunch of homemade meatballs, mashed potatoes and green beans for herself and a friend.  Thankfully, she cooks large family style so there was plenty left over for the rest of us to eat too.  Then our afternoon was busy doing a lot of nothing.

 

Then this evening I was blessed to get to go on a date with my guy.  We went to our usual steakhouse.  We always enjoy the time together, but not always the service.  We try to be gracious and kind no matter what but boy sometimes the service can be frustrating.  ((This is in our ‘big’ town that is only big enough to have a few options for a sit-down meal.))  Tonight, though each thing I requested came differently than I ordered.  “Water with Lemon” came as plain water.  “Burger with no bun” came on a bun.  “Steamed veggies with extra butter” showed up as rock hard veggies and a bowl of butter next to them.  “Chipotle mayonnaise—we don’t have that do you want regular mayo?” came as no mayo at all.  None of these are big deals and most were edible with the exception of the veggies.  I declined having them remade and decided to bring them home in a box to cook for later.  The worst part was in the middle of this, here came the grief tears.  Those ones that make no sense and show up at the most random times when I am not even thinking about Millie.  The ones that remind me that any extra pressure just overloads my capacity to deal with things.  It is almost embarrassing!  I know why it happens, but to others you see an adult woman crying over her food and then once again as I walked past the little girl clothes at Walmart.  Glancing toward those fun-colored little girl leggings and matching dresses makes this mama’s heart sad to think I will never buy those things again.  Yes we have beautiful granddaughters, and I am sure will have more as the years go by, but to never buy my ‘own’ little girl or rather to never buy Millie those things again can bring that lump to my throat and the tears to my eyes. 

 

Grief is hard guys…  It is random… It is confusing… It is maddening… You can be filled with happiness and still have a grieving heart that starts to cry.  Somedays I find my cheeks wet but have no idea why my tears started flowing.  I hope if you are walking through grief now that you have Jesus to lean on.  If you have not known loss and grief I am so glad.  Take the time to develop a relationship with a Savior that will support you when you do.  Reality is that grief is not a “IF” it is a when…  death is inevitable and often catches us by surprise. 

 

Thanks for checking in on us tonight.  We are looking forward to Sunday, a fresh day, a great time to worship Jesus with our church family, and a family meal with David’s sister and family.  It will be one of rest and relaxation keeping our hearts looking heavenward. 

 

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

 

#MilliesMiracle

 

#Forever3

 

#WithJesus

 

#Neuroblastoma

 

#ChildhoodCancer