"I not big and tall yet"

 

Dear Friends,

This day has been one of many memories.  I have spent all our time snowed in writing on my book.  I have written our hopes, our dreams, our heart break, and our memories.  I have poured it out in hopes that Millie’s story will touch others so deeply that they will be drawn to it.  I have written my heart so transparent and raw that I pray it can reflect Christ in me.  I am no super Christian.  I am just a mama daily walking through this journey without her baby girl.  Yes I have other children and yes I am SO INCREDIBLY THANKFUL for each one… but that does not erase the ache of missing Millie.  There will forever be a part of my heart that is broken, so battered and cracked that it allows the tears to seep out.  Maybe that is you too??

 

As I have written today, I have also reread the things I have written to you all over the last year and a half.  Those things were often typed late at night under complete exhaustion as I shared our day and Millie’s struggles.  The requested prayers, the many answered ones, the fears, and all the love you guys gave are burned into this story.  Reading each post takes me right back to the heart of the moment.  I am reliving and feeling all the trauma and heartbreak again, yet this time without the hope of Millie living to share her own story.  This time through I get to see this journey as the one I am choosing to take.  The walk that I am willing to go through to share God’s Glory….  Not for myself or even a pat on my back, but rather to give you a hope that if I can survive this with Jesus, you can survive your struggles too.  Do you believe that??

 

I have stopped and sobbed many times today.  I have laughed and I have had my heart filled to know a little girl named Millie.  Here is one of our funny memories that I read today but had forgotten from last year…

 

𝐓𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐚 𝐝𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐫. 𝐖𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐰𝐞 𝐝𝐨 𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐨𝐩𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐫. “𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐲, 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬”.

“𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐨𝐦, 𝐈 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐢𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐞𝐭” 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬. 𝐈 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐫, “𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞-𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫-𝐨𝐥𝐝’𝐬 𝐠𝐨 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐲. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥. 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐠𝐨 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐲. 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐠𝐨 𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐲”.

𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐲𝐬, “𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐧𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬?”

“𝐍𝐨𝐩𝐞! 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭”. 𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐲.

 “𝐇𝐦𝐦 𝐝𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐰𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬?”   --- HER OWNERS…hahaha!

𝐋𝐨𝐥, 𝐈 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 “𝐍𝐨𝐩𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐞𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫. 𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐭𝐫𝐲!”

 

I am forever grateful to be a mama to nine beautiful children.  I am forever thankful I was chosen to be the one that got to be Millie’s mama. 

 

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

 

#MilliesMiracle

 

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