Let your light so shine...

 The world often seems like a dark, lonely lately. Almost every news report is either about the evil taking place or some discouraging issue. Very rarely does anyone want to report on the GOOD in life. However, our local news channel 9 decided to run some uplifting stories over the next few weeks. I will be interviewed next week on how The Mack Impact showered Millie with kindness by setting up her fishing trip. I’m excited to share both Millie’s story and bring awareness to this awesome organization.

Another way to bring light to the world is to follow the admonition from Matthew 5:14-16 that says:
14 “Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.
15 Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.
16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”

This verse doesn’t say let your good works be known, rather let your LIGHT so shine that others will recognize it and GLORIFY GOD because of it. I don’t want anyone praising me for any good I do, rather I want them to see I do it because of Jesus. If we keep it hidden, what’s the point of being a light. A candle placed under a basket gives very little light. A Christian living under worldly morals also gives very little light for Christ.

James 2:18 “But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds.”

This is an important verse. Some people believe they can be ‘good enough’ to earn salvation. They believe that if the good they do outweigh the bad, then God will allow them into heaven. This verse is NOT saying that. Our deeds do not save us. What they do is help us to be known as someone who loves Jesus.

Matthew 7:16 “You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles?”

What fruits are you known by? If you are an apple tree, hopefully you are known to grow apples. In the same thought I hope the “fruit” I am known by is the Fruits of the Spirit.
Galatians 5:22-23 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”

I hope that as I write you ‘hear’ LOVE, JOY, PEACE, PATIENCE, KINDNESS, GOODNESS, FAITHFULNESS, GENTLENESS and SELF-CONTROL in my words. I never want hate, bitterness, unrest, impatience, meanness, evil, untrustworthiness, harshness, or impulsiveness to rule me.

Everything I have written about tonight ends up being a building block of our testimony. We make mistakes, we fail, but if we are humbled these things become the next stepping stone.

As I have walked through this grief, I experience many of these ‘fruits’ and sometimes the opposite too. I do not love the situation, but I can still share love with others. I miss the JOY Millie brought us. We miss her so much! However, we do have a peace about this. It’s a peace that I can’t explain well. It’s a peace that although I would NEVER want to walk this or have anyone else walk this, I do have peace in my spirit. I know God is walking with me…. That peace that passes all understanding became very clear.

Probably the hardest fruit for me to produce right now is patience (forbearance). Grief causes me to have less patience, brings me to tears easier, and makes me realize that little things may not be very important, but they can easily rule (ruin) my attitude if I let them.

Another odd thing about grief that I’ve noticed is it causes me to divide Millie’s life into 3 sections. Before cancer was age newborn to 2 ½ years. During treatment from June 2019 – June 2020. Finally, when we knew the cancer was rapidly taking over, June 2020-July 8, 2020. The day that she opened her eyes in heaven. Sometimes as I think about her, it is hard to make those three time periods seem like the same child.

The younger Millie (first two years) she was so HAPPY. A sweet, chubby cuddler who loved to sing and dance. From 2- 2.5 she was a child that cried A LOT! We often shook our head wondering where our happy girl went. We had ‘that feeling’ that something was wrong…but what??

Then during the year of treatment, she became an older, ‘wiser’ Millie. She told jokes, did big things, and understood more cancer treatments that most adults. She still loved to cuddle (for that I’m thankful) but she quickly outgrew being a baby. We loved having that year with her. We hated having to take her for the treatments but were grateful they allowed her life to be extended and us to “KNOW” her personality better.

Finally, the last 3 weeks when they sent us home to keep her comfortable. She was a different girl. Sick, tired, her belly so huge it was hard to be comfortable. She still loved to snuggle but didn’t have a lot of patience for noise or her siblings. I think it about broke Little Man’s heart when she yelled one day “I can’t play ‘woofie’ with you! I’m sick!!”. He knew that, but he always offered to play with her. He still says, “before Millie got cancer we would play bucking bull rides together”. I wonder if that is what he will remember forever?
So many memories, so much pain, so much JOY. Again, I am thankful for each and every day I got to be her momma. I am thankful for every day she brightened our family.