An Unwelcome Guest

Grief drops by often as an unwelcome guest. It is met in so many places, times, and in front of many faces. Grief doesn’t care if it makes you uncomfortable. It doesn’t care if you hurt and you’re eyes flood with tears. Grief knows that you will never be able to outrun it. Grief is crafty and you can’t hide from it. Even if you think you might conquer it, the truth is it will gain the upper hand when you least expect it. Grief can cause physical pain, emotional exhaustion, and mental confusion. It will steal your time and energy. It will cause you to ‘think’ you are crazy. It can be so lonely. Grief can do all these things…

Grief can also do something else. Something more important. It can cause you to seek. It can cause you to cry out. It can demand you reach out. Grief can be the catalyst for change in a life. It can cause an understanding of what is truly important. Grief can be Satan’s weapon OR it can be God’s tool. Will the grief you encounter in life be used as an attack to take you out or as a vehicle to move you to a better place in life?

Don’t get me wrong. I KNOW grief HURTS. I’m not downplaying that at all. I encounter it EVERY SINGLE DAY. Some days are very hard. Others have a mist of sadness when I think on the memories of my sweet baby. Each day has the opportunity to use that grief as a pity party or as a turning point. I can sit and drown in it OR move forward with a clearer purpose of the life God has given me. I can be BITTER or BETTER…

Since Millie passed away in July, I have had three different times that a well-meaning person has asked me “how is your daughter?” Each time I have had to answer, “She passed away in July.” Those are hard words to say, especially to someone expecting you to share how well she’s doing now. Often Daddy and I will tell someone before they ask that our sweet girl has passed away after fighting cancer for a year. That may seem odd to always be throwing that into a conversation, but it is a protection from catching us off guard. It allows us time to decide how to process our grief.

It’s also frequent that someone will ask “How are you?” That is a HUGE IMPORTANT question that has no good answer. I want you to know that I appreciate each person that checks on us by asking that. I know it feels so awkward to ask that… because what can we say? Good? No, missing Millie is not good. How I am depends on the moment. It depends on the day. It depends on the circumstances. It depends on the memories we have relived that day. However, have no DOUBTS, we do want to be asked. We do want to know that others care. We do want to talk about Millie. You are not reminding me of what I’m missing. There is not a moment that goes by that I don’t remember. I think it will always be that way. What you are doing is verbalizing that Millie was important to our family, to you, to the LORD. Her life held importance. She was special. She was beautiful. She was funny. She was so loved. So, no matter how awkward it is, always feel good about asking someone about their children. Whether living or not, they are still our babies. We still have joy in their existence.

I’m leaving you with the “love chapter”. Love is so important. Caring for each other. Reaching past being uncomfortable, our differences, our preferences to see each other as children of the same GOD. Offering comfort and compassion to others. LOVING one another…

1 Corinthians 13 “If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”