Mama, I made it for you

 Little Man gave away something recently that was precious to me. He innocently shared something that he owned, something he created, something that can be recreated---and yet I cried. Silly to cry over something that was not even mine, yet the tears flooded my eyes and stabbed my heart. All a left-over emotion of walking through death. I often think (maybe even secretly fear) that something will happen to the other children and I will have nothing left that they have created. Nothing left by which to remember these days. Moments that are so precious to me, yet rapidly pass by as they grow. I do believe that God does not want me to live in fear. I know because it is clearly stated in scripture. Yet I have to remind myself to lean on his strength. I have to speak truth to override the fears on the hard days.

“𝐅𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐨𝐭; 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐞: 𝐛𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐝; 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐆𝐨𝐝: 𝐈 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐞; 𝐲𝐞𝐚, 𝐈 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐞; 𝐲𝐞𝐚, 𝐈 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐮𝐩𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬.” -- 𝐈𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐚𝐡 𝟒𝟏:𝟏𝟎

I have spoken of my scrapbooks before telling you what mementos they are filled with. I think my children often thought I was making scrapbooks for them to remember their own childhood. I might have even thought that in some tiny way. I did write personal letters to them in their books. However, reality is those books are for me to remember--to look back at their lives to a time when the days were simpler, when their perspectives were filled with innocence and wonder. Those books let me relieve days gone by that can never be reclaimed. For some of them, it makes my heart happy. I can see that tiny baby that God placed in my arms and connect the months and years to the adult they are today. My heart is filled with JOY seeing where God has walked with them and where he is leading them now.

With Millie’s life, I do not have but a few items that she created. I have some scribbled coloring sheets. I have a tiny scrap of paper she colored and cut out for me, bringing it, and saying, “I made it for you mama.” I am so thankful I placed it into my bible that day and found it after she passed away. I have pictures of where she drew on the couch. I have the handprint art that was made in the hospital. What I do not have is her name, in her handwriting… I have just one drawing she made of a smiley face and some scribbles. Anyone else would have tossed it, not being aware of what they were looking at. I knew that was the only drawing my baby would make for me.

When I look at her book, I see her whole story written in just 3 short years. Her book will not be long, her story will not contain as many life events, but her life testimony is far reaching. To see the entire love of Jesus wrapped around my aching heart and to know that her story has caused me to lean in closer. To listen for his guiding words. Her death has given me a desire to know him deeper, to be more heaven focused, and relationship oriented. Her life has changed my life!

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

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