The little unnoticed reminders of Millie

 I often question the little things in life. The things that often go unnoticed but stand out to me. When Millie passed away, I looked at her bed thinking that’s the bed she passed away in. These are the sheets and blankets she used. We eventually took it down from the corner in our room. Even today though, this is the pillowcase that she slept with. I have not washed her pillowcase yet… I wonder if I ever will?

I find little things that bring her to mind constantly. Some might call them signs that she is still with me, but I think they are signs that she lived a full life here with us. Signs that her life was important and the impact it had on every area of our life. As I was cleaning, I found little handprint smears on our bedroom mirror. Are they her handprints? I have no idea. We have young grandchildren, and they could easily be their handprints. The thought that they might be Millie’s though has kept me from wiping them away. Other small things, like her tippy cups, her yellow emoji toothbrush in with mine, and her travel toothbrush in our suitcase all stand out that she was here.

During school last week, I opened a book to find the corner of a page has been chopped up with scissors, very ‘Millie’ like…was it her? I have a red spot of marker on my kitchen table where she sat, another reminder of her love of markers. In my car cupholder is a small plastic earring from her cancer doll. I also found her miniature markers in the back of the van. I reached into the seat pocket of Daddy’s truck and found a clean Minnie Mouse pull up, waiting for a little girl to have a blowout. So many little reminders of a life filled with love.

I know there will come a time when most of the little unnoticed items will be found. Her shelf in my room is where her important things will be stored. Things that are important to me as I seek to display her short life and how she lived it. No matter what though, my memories will always be filled with her. My heart will always be filled with love for who she was. My arms will always miss hugging and holding her. She will forever be my 3 year old darling.