Just checking in. Today we put our lighted tree up and let the kids decorate it. We tried to order gifts. Both David and I are having a hard time wanting to “do” Christmas. For me it’s not so much about sadness, although I do miss her so. It’s more about the exhaustion, anxiety, and the pressured expectations that grief brings.
I can be really excited about doing something, but then I’m not. Once I arrive I enjoy myself, but my body begs to stay home and rest. My mind requires calm and routine. Sounds a lot like depression...maybe it is? I don’t think of myself as depressed though. I think that I’m positive in my thoughts and beliefs. It is such a fine balance I guess.
My happy place right now is in my recliner where I rocked Millie each night. I drink my coffee there. I study in that spot. I reflect and plan and pray in that very chair. Some days I rock Little Man, but SJ must think she’s too big. She prefers to lay on the bed while I read to them.
The children and I are still studying China in school. It’s fun to see the facts start lining up when they realize when and how history connects. We will finish this up next week right before Christmas. I’m sure there are some great crafts I should or could be doing with them but that leads back to “I too tired.”
Something we traditionally do after Christmas each year is to pack all our books, movies, and puzzles that are Christmas themed with our decorations. The children excitedly wait for those to get unpacked each year. I just found the movies tonight in the tree box.
Tomorrow we head to church. With so many out sick this time of year, David will be teaching a youth class. I plan to join him. Then snow is headed our way for the day. When we get snow, it’s beautiful for 24-48 hours, then we will be back wearing short sleeves next week. We enjoy it and it moves on quickly.
｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
I still believe in Millie’s Miracle
｡･:*:･ﾟ☆Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
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