𝙀𝙭𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙩𝙨
𝙄𝙣𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙩𝙨
𝘼𝙣𝙭𝙞𝙚𝙩𝙮
If you had known me the first 45 years of my life, you would say I was an extrovert. I loved to go places and meet people. I enjoyed conversations with people of all ages and am not sure I ever met a stranger. Yes… I am that woman you see in the grocery store line making friends with the people in line around me. I talk a lot and probably share way too much in the way of being transparent. I have been okay with that because you do not have to doubt where you stand with me. I am usually blunt and to the point. I have had rough edges that needed to soften, blacks that needed to fade to greys, and words that needed to be more discerning. Some of that comes with age, some with wisdom, and most of it with life experiences.
After telling you I am an extrovert, you might find it odd that I intend to spend the next 45 years of my life as an introvert. No, I do not intend to shun people while I am waiting to check out in stores. I will not stop trying to make new friends. I probably will not stop being transparent with my life. What I will do is be more intentional with how I spend my fellowship time. I used to love large gatherings, but lately I just want to sit with a friend or two over coffee. I enjoyed visiting with people everywhere I went, but now I really want to stay home. I have always been on the lookout for a last-minute play date or event we could go to. Lately, I look forward to reading a good book with the children. Noise never bothered me; remember I have 9 children! Now I long for soft music, peaceful places, soothing things that allow me to rest. I used to invest time talking about frivolous things, now I am more heaven minded. Heaven got a lot closer when my Millie went there.
Are you wondering what brought this huge change? Obviously, some of it is grief. My tolerance level has gotten much lower. Stress builds up faster, tempers flare quicker, feelings of being overwhelmed rush in. I often think to myself why do I feel stressed? Today it hit me… ANXIETY! I needed to go to the store on a Saturday afternoon. As I turned into the parking lot my stomach had knots in it. I felt pressured and confined by this busy, congested parking lot with people walking everywhere. Things were dirty, people not kind. At one point the most horrific music was playing in the electronics department when some teens got the remote, turned it all the way up and found the most offensive song they could blast. I have never seen a store employee climb the shelving so fast to yank the cord out of the wall and knock the tv off the shelf to stop the perversion. In this place there was nothing that measured up to the calm, soothing space that my mind craves.
Why do I let myself get into situations like that? Often it is outside commitments that demand attention. A school project that needed supplies, Christmas gifts that had to be purchased, decorations for an upcoming event all needed to be secured. Each very valid and needed things, yet the anxiety was so high I felt like circling the parking lot and going right back out into the main street with my van headed towards home. I resisted the urge, forcing myself to power through with sheer will. As this day ends, I am exhausted, but my anxiety attack has now subsided. If you suffer from the same issues, you might wonder how I bring things back to focus for myself?
• 𝘗𝘳𝘢𝘺𝘦𝘳
• 𝘚𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘵𝘩 𝘣𝘺 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘱𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧
• 𝘊𝘢𝘭𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘤
• 𝘍𝘰𝘤𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘫𝘰𝘺, 𝘴𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘭𝘦, 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘴, 𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘯𝘦𝘸𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘯 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺
• 𝘚𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘺 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘵𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵
Today, I simply walked through the store, not speaking to anyone.
I did not try to start a conversation, I just tried to focus on calm.
Without thinking about it at the time, I tried to follow the scripture that instructs us on how to handle our anxiety.
Philippians 4:6-8
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
God’s word is real and powerful, with answers to our life problems. He cares about YOU. He cares about your family. He wants you to be filled with his peace as you journey through life.
｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
I still believe in Millie’s Miracle
｡･:*:･ﾟ☆Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
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