Telling her story

 I am really tired this week. Exhaustion magnifies my grief in ways that it brings every emotion closer to the surface. As I try to write more of Millie's story tonight, I am taken back to the last time I wrote. Honestly, it has been a week or two. My brain and heart needed a break from reliving the painful walk through Millie's last days. Here is an excerpt from the spot I left off...

----Telling Millie’s story is so important. There are so many things in this story that are good and right. Things that point to Jesus, who is bigger and more faithful than I could ever be. Things that point to the salvation that only he offers us through his death on the cross. What these things cannot do is erase the pain. They do not ease the ache, as I remember my time with Millie walking through cancer. These things do not keep me from wishing that her story was somehow written differently. Or that I could share a happier story instead of the one I am recounting. Instead, the one I am sharing will forever be burned into my heart. Today it hurts! I hurt! I tell this story though my broken, tattered heart but a heart that is still clinging to Jesus---

I pray this story brings all Glory to God. I pray it points towards him. I pray it brings others to salvation. The cost to hold this story in our hearts was devastatingly great. The cost to share it with others is astronomical. The debt was paid in our tears. I pray it is a blessing to all it touches.

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Little Man is 7

 Dear Friends,

Today is a special day…

Today is Little Man’s 7th Birthday!

Happy…. Happy…. Happy Birthday to him. He does not read FB so he will not truly see this, but we have had special things planned for him since last Sunday. Our kids like to stretch birthdays out the entire week or two.

Last Sunday on Family Game Day, we had a cake and ice cream to celebrate. Big Brother Joshua showed up with chocolate covered doughnuts so Little man forsook eating a piece of cake until the next day just so he would have room for not 1 but 2 doughnuts.

This morning when he woke up, sister Abby had decorated the entire Dining room and left sweet birthday notes scattered around. For breakfast he requested pan A cakes from McDonalds. I can not convince him there in not an ‘A’ in the middle of pancakes. We enjoyed a trip to the thrift store to score some new kid books, then went to Hobby Lobby to pick out decorations for Millie’s grave. We needed bright spring flowers, a butterfly and a “For I know my REDEEMER lives” metal cross to go on the grave. I do not want his birthday to be sad, so I asked if he would like to go and he very emphatically said, “YES!” He tells us often how much he misses her and just wants her back. He realistically understands she is in heaven and he knows that salvation only comes through Christ so he is sure he will see her again…but here on earth she is MISSED!

I let him pick out his own gifts this year. I was not very on the ball about ordering ahead of time, so we jumped on Amazon yesterday and thankfully they will arrive tomorrow. He picked out a Disney ‘Cars’ toy hauler for his Hotwheel cars and a small remote-controlled car. We never spend a lot of money on gifts, but we try to make their birthday special by allowing them to pick their meals etc. We value the time with the children on the day we honor them. You can imagine for the entire year Millie was sick it seemed like we had a birthday every other day. So many gifts arrived for her and the other children. Gratefully, there were enough that they all felt loved on rather than just making her out to be the Queen of Special (although you know she was super special in our hearts!)

Tonight, for dinner he has requested Chicken Alfredo, simple since we use a jar sauce. As his gifts arrive over the next few days he will continue to feel loved and blessed… My blessing was that GOD saw fit to give us a third son after so many years of pink girly girls. We LOVE having 6 daughters but are also grateful the three boys were sprinkled in there too. Little Man has a very bold, commanding personality. He enjoys being in charge of EVERYTHING. It takes a lot to rein in his big ideas sometimes. He also is very creative and has such a loving heart. I am so glad he is part of our family!

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#Neuroblastoma

#ChildhoodCancer

Memories all around

 

Dear Friends,

I feel like I have been a little out of the loop this week.  It has been a few days since I have checked in.  Some of those days were pretty emotional.  On Thursday I spent the day writing Millie’s story for a grief class that I am taking on Sunday Evenings.  Even though I share her story and share it often, the details especially the last days are filled with tears as I struggle to transparently share the pain yet protect my heart from getting too overwhelmed. 

 

On Friday, as Katherine and I headed to Missouri, I received a call that they were setting Millie’s headstone at the grave that day.  We had ordered it back in October, it was promised to be ready by Christmas yet after being remade three different times it took until the end of February to finally be ready to take to the cemetery. They texted me the completed picture, but I have not gotten a chance to go and look it over myself yet.

 

Once we arrived, we stayed in a stylish Air B&B that Katherine had found.  It was so clean and cute, yet cheaper than a hotel.  We enjoyed our stay… did not sleep well, but that became its own blessing in disguise.  As we laid in bed talking at 2 am, she shared the many videos off of her cell phone of Millie.  I had never seen most of them.  Each is precious, but more so because Katherine could always get Millie to do funny, quirky things that really showed her personality.  In one Katherine makes a funny face, then Millie makes the same one…then another funny face and another mimic.  Over and over… How Millie’s sisters loved her!

Saturday Katherine’s Club Volleyball team played hard and we thought they would make it into the championship game however a mere 2 points gave them the 3^rd place spot.  After the tournament we drove home in thick fog, arriving about 11 Saturday night.

 

On Sunday morning, I was still struggling with a host of emotions as I headed to church and then proceeded to sob during half the Sunday School class.  My joy was soon regained though when I arrived in the Sanctuary to see two pews full of Mount people!  We had 4 daughters, 3 sons, a daughter-in-love, and two grandkids all attend with us.  Abby sang the special music and we all enjoyed being together.  At home afterwards we enjoyed Sunday lunch and board games.  Time spent as a family is always fun!

 

On Monday, a friend came out to the farm to visit and helped me rearrange my bedroom so that I could begin to decorate Millie’s memory shelf.  Our brother-in-law built a beautiful custom shelf just as I asked that was designed to hold all her belongings.  It was so good to see her little green boots again.  I carefully and thoughtfully placed her bears wearing her cancer bows, her pins, pictures, babies, books and so much more.  It is my happy shelf that is filled with memories of Millie’s precious life with us. 

                Lyndell Bryce at Bryce’s Custom Cabinets & Trim - (405)802-3963  

 I encourage you to search his FB page and give him a like as our thank you for helping us celebrate Millie’s life.  He owns a custom cabinet business, and I would love to share his info if you are in the need of cabinets around central Oklahoma. 

 

Overnight Sunday, Maggie was in severe pain and seemed to be exhibiting gallbladder issues.  Her Doctor had already scheduled an ultrasound to see if she had stones for this week, but when she woke up this morning the pain was so bad we decided Daddy would take her to Children’s Hospital to be checked out.  We had not stepped foot into the hospital since last June when Millie was sent home on hospice.  It was an emotional day that needed to be covered by a lot of grace.  They ran multiple tests, ultrasound and x-ray, blood test and gave her an IV.  The decided that she had an ovarian cyst rupture, causing the pain and nausea.  She has to go back in 6 weeks for a repeat to evaluate if the area has healed.  We are so grateful that her issues were minor, although the pain was not. 

 

Tomorrow we go for the orthodontist appointments for 2 girls, then on to the oral surgeon for a consult to complete a needed surgery that has been getting pushed back for a while.  It seems like life gets so rushed, that we forget to continue to do the little things we so need to accomplish.  The thing that I let go often is my study time and my writing time.  I just run out of minutes in my day to sit and concentrate.  The thing I want to do that gives me strength gets laid aside while often the life draining tasks demand attention.  However even in the rushed and busy times, I know God is still there speaking in that still small voice. My job is to listen…

 

Yesterday as I was cleaning and rearranging my room, I looked at a pretty blue candle that I have owned for probably 8 years.  It always sits up on a gold candle holder.  However, to keep it ‘fresher’ I guess, I had never removed the plastic outer wrapping. As I looked at that candle I could hear the Lord saying, “That candle will never reach its full potential to be who I created it to be because it never gets out of the safe zone.”   True, my candle stayed ‘cleaner’ by not opening is up and taking risks, but it did not live up to what it was created to be.  It could never carry a flame or do anything more than stay protected in its own little area.  It was WORTHLESS!  It was not useable.  It simple was waiting until it was time… but WHEN?

 

Do not waste your life with so many useless years that you are waiting.  Choose to live now…  Do not think, “When my job changes” “When I get married” or any host of other reasons why NOW will not work to make changes.  God wants us sharing his word NOW! He wants us to have eternal focused eyes NOW, not late in life when we think death is close.  Before June 2020, I did not think death was close.  I had no idea it stood with one calendar page away from changing our lives forever.  Life is so short… 3 years with Millie was short, but even if I had her here for 60 it would never be enough for my heart to let go without the pain.  Instead, I will share her story that points to Jesus.  My light, my candle will shine.  Will you unwrap your candle and share the light of Christ too?

 

𝗟𝗲𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝘀𝗼 𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗺𝗲𝗻, 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗺𝗮𝘆 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗴𝗹𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗳𝘆 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗙𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗰𝗵 𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲𝗻. 𝗠𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘄 𝟱:𝟭𝟲

 

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

 

#MilliesMiracle

 

#Forever3

 

#WithJesus

 

#Neuroblastoma

 

#ChildhoodCancer