Battling Survivor's Guilt

In the last few weeks, I have encountered quite a few people expressing survivors’ guilt.  A sweet friend and I were discussing it today and it made me think it is worth examining our thoughts on surviving a traumatic event.

One definition of survivor’s guilt is:

“a condition of persistent mental and emotional stress experienced

by someone who has survived an incident in which others died.”

 

I do not know if this is how everyone feels when they survive something traumatic.  There are so many different things in life that cause trauma.  Car wrecks, house fires, natural disasters, large scale events like the Oklahoma City Bombing or World Trade Center Towers. There are soldiers in combat, plane crashes, and illnesses.  Sometimes it seems the survivors feel guilty because those that passed on are close family or friends that were in the trauma together.  They may wonder why their lives were spared and the others were not?

 

In our family’s case it is my wonderful, supportive tribe of cancer mamas.  These precious women are in the trenches day in and day out fighting for basic survival of their child.  That child might be diagnosed as a small infant, toddler, elementary age, middle schooler, high schooler, or even young adult.  As you quickly learn on the oncology floor is that cancer is ruthless.  It does not care who it hurts or what their age.  Another thing you learn is there are so many kinds of cancer.  According to the American Cancer Society, “The types of cancers that occur most often in children are different from those seen in adults. The most common cancers of children are:

• Leukemia
• Brain and spinal cord tumors
• Neuroblastoma
• Wilms tumor
• Lymphoma (including both Hodgkin and non-Hodgkin)
• Rhabdomyosarcoma
• Retinoblastoma
• Bone cancer (including osteosarcoma and Ewing sarcoma)”

Now when you consider that each variation of childhood cancer has many different offshoots, it leaves endless possibilities of children on the Oncology floor.  About 700 children a day worldwide will receive a cancer diagnosis. That equals 15,780 children in the United States under the age of 19 that will be diagnosed with cancer this year according to American Childhood Cancer Organization.  

Despite major advances – from an overall survival rate of 10 percent just fifty years ago to nearly 90 percent today, for many rare cancers, the survival rate is much lower. Childhood cancer is not just one disease but made up of 12 major types with over 100 sub-types, so although some types of cancer have a 97% survival rate (Hodgkin Lymphoma) others have a survival rate of less than 1% (DIPG). The number of diagnosed cases annually has continued to increase over the past 20 years.  One in five American Children will not survive a cancer battle. (American Cancer Society)

With that type of odds, it is inevitable that children you meet at the hospital, the ones you play with in the hallways and waiting rooms, could possibly die.  As a mom, you try not to look around and wonder whose child it will be?  Mine? The little girl down the hall?  The baby that cries half the night. The teenage boy that is fighting after relapsing…again.  You simply PRAY.  You pray God will save your child.  You pray your friend’s child will survive.  You wonder how you will break the news that a friend has passed away?  In our case of course, Millie was the one to die.  So how did these mom’s share with their kids?  Some talked to child life and had them help explain it. Some reminded their child that Millie no longer hurts and is with Jesus. A few simply didn’t tell their child because they don’t want them to be sad or scared that it could happen to them.  There is no right way!

On the other hand, how did the mom’s themselves react.  First, they were so incredibly kind to our family.  Serving us, loving us, calling, coming, making things for us to remember her by. Secondly though they expressed ‘survivor’s guilt’. They felt bad that their child is thriving and off treatment, or maybe even still fighting for their life, but still have LIFE.  How do you respond to that?

I assured each mama “No, I am sooo grateful that your child is doing well.”   I would not for one second wish they walked through the death of their precious child. I don’t wish that it was your child instead of mine.  Do I miss my baby?  YES, every day until I meet her in heaven, but I truly believe she fulfilled her days on this earth and God’s plan for her life. That is where I gain my peace in trusting HIM. There can be no survivors guilt if we embrace the idea that God has a plan, purpose, and time for each of us. He himself numbers our days. We must use each day to his glory.  His word says:

All the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.(Psalm 139:16)

^{Psalms 90:12} So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.

^{Psalms 37:5a} Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him;

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

We see such a small part of God’s plan.  It’s like looking at the duck swimming peacefully on the pond.  We see his calm body gliding gracefully in the water.  What we don’t see is everything going on under the surface.  The feet rapid paddling, the turtles, and snakes to avoid, the weeds to get tangled in.  The fish that tempt that duck to lose focus. A lot of things go on in the spiritual realm that we will never know about here in the physical.  There are battles being waged, guardian angels protecting us and more.  Some of that sounds strange to new believers, but scripture assures us in  Ephesians 6:12 "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places."

 

So tonight, I am reminded to use each day God gives me to his glory.  I’m encouraged by how many allowed me to pray for them this morning.  It took me about 3 hours to pray over and respond to each of you.  So many needs…so many hearts hurting…we NEED Jesus and each other.  Thanks for showing up here every night to encourage our family. 
Blessings, 

Millie’s Momma

 

Praises:

I’m feeling (more) confident that I can pull it together for this year of homeschooling. What we just walked through makes you feel fuzzy brained and a little lost at times. I’m excited though to start a new year and SJ prayed tonight “thank you God for letting me do school with here safe with mommy”.  I love her sweet sincere heart.

 

Prayers:

Say a prayer over all our favorite nurses on the 10^th floor tonight.  Those men and women see so much.  The love and give and lose and hurt, only to do it all over again with the next child.  They are caregivers, playmates, prayer partners, even ‘parents’ to the children in need.  They are tough and tender at the same time.  I appreciate every single one we encountered.  And I must add our special PICU nurse in there too!

Do you doubt God’s goodness?

Yesterday we talked about hiding God’s word in our hearts to not sin against him.  If you are a Christian you probably know what the term ‘sin’ means.  But what if you are not?  Of course most people associate sin with ‘doing bad things’. We’ve all heard the term “Sin City”…that place people go to do things they wouldn’t usually do back at home?  But really, what is sin?  The dictionary says sin is  

“an immoral act considered to be a transgression against divine law”

As I was reading my bible this morning I found where I had written “The very first sin came from doubting God’s goodness.”  That is a powerful statement!  Adam and Eve lived in a sin free world.  They had everything.  God walked with them daily. Things were perfect. And then…. Eve was tempted because she believed the lie that God was keeping good things from them.  She DOUBTED God’s goodness.  She tempted Adam to doubt God’s goodness.  Wow the power a woman, even a misguided one, has on her guy.  Just as its said a mother sets the tone for the home, a wife has high influence on her husband.

Do you doubt God’s goodness?  Have you believed a lie?  Do you search for JOY in places other than God? Again, its back to a war with the mind…  Either God is GOOD all the time or you have doubts about his goodness.

I choose to believe God is good all the time and all the time God is good!  

A favorite movie of mine “Facing the Giants” says

 “If we win, we praise Him. And if we lose, we praise Him. Either way we honor Him with our actions and our attitudes. So, I’m askin’ you… What are you living for?”

Grant Taylor (Alex Kendrick)

Today my JOY showed up when the mailman arrived.  A box with a beautiful memorial to Millie arrived.  It is a solar powered sign with her picture, her name and dates on it. Little Man was so impressed.  He said "I've never seen anything like that. It will be amazing" He's always so much fun!

As we sorted more school stuff this morning, SJ burst into tears.  When I asked what she was thinking she responded “I just realized I’ll never get to help Millie with preschool.  It was my turn to help teach”.  I usually let my older kids teach my preschoolers a mini-preschool class.  Alphabet and Numbers, they all have fun doing crafts together.  Most every child has looked forward to helping their ‘buddy’.  This has been a tough thing for all of us to realize our preschool and kindergarten years are done.  I gave all Millie’s school stuff to our grandbaby as her mama plans to homeschool. Its been a sweet balm to know that she will enjoy Millie’s things. 

Praises:

I was grateful that SJ trusted me enough to share her grief and her heart with me.  She is a true treasure at 9. She’s old enough to understand so much, but still have a sweet innocence about her.  Sometimes its so hard to think all the ‘little girl’ in our family ends with her now.  She’s growing so fast.

Prayers:

Pray for the children as they adjust to the little things that bring so much grief out. 

Pray for rest for daddy and I.  Nights are still the hardest.  The quiet, hand in hand with so many months of nighttime care leaves us awake and restless.  Sometimes the tears come, but others we just wrestle our pillows all night long.  

Our mindset is a CHOICE

Our thoughts are so very important. They are difference between Joy or anger, gratefulness or bitterness, truth or a lie. Often what we think on is who we become. All day I’ve been meditating on the verse:
“I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you” Psalms 119:11

Years ago I understood to hide God’s word in my heart was to memorize it. I remember rotely memorizing verse after verse. However as I’ve gotten older that’s become harder. Now my ‘memory’ work comes in other ways. Scripture songs that I can sing put lots of verses in my mind. Decorating my home in verses. Wearing the tshirts you sent me. Basically surrounding myself with God’s word.

Some may wonder why that matters? Because when faced with a trial or life stressor, what is in your heart will be what comes out of your mouth. For some it will be a curse word or even taking God’s name in vain. For others it will be a complaint or murmuring of heart. For me I want God’s word readily available as my first line of defense. It keeps me fully aware of how not to ‘sin against God’.

I read Psalms 78 this morning. It gave the history of the children of Israel. It told how rebellious they were. I underlined their actions, paraphrased
...they continued to sin (17)
...rebelling against the Most High
....willfully demanding (18)
....spoke against God (19)
....did not believe in God (22)
....<<did not>> trust in his deliverance
....In spite, they kept on sinning (32)
....they did not believe
....flatter him with their mouths(36)
....lying to him with their tongues
....hearts were not loyal to him (37)
....were not faithful to his covenant

God’s actions:
....Yet he was merciful (38)
....he forgave
....he restrained his anger
....he remembered

Again they:
....put God to the test
....rebelled against the Most High
....did not keep his statutes
....they angered him (58)
.... aroused his jealousy

Over and over the Children of Israel acted like spoiled rebellious children. Over and over we too act like rebellious children to our father. I know how that makes me feel as a parent when my children rebel....It helps me understand how God must feel.

So back to my thoughts and them keeping me from sin, each ACTION they did was a thought put into motion. What we believe we live. I have to CHOOSE Joy. I have to decide to not be angry. I must CHOOSE gratefulness. I have to decide I don’t want to be bitter. I have to CHOOSE truth. I can’t believe the lies of the enemy.

To take that one step further, I can choose to be joyful that God left Millie with us a year after her cancer diagnosis. I have decided I can’t be angry she died. I choose to be grateful that God allowed me to be her mommy for 3 years and 7 months. I will not be bitter that we didn’t have 4 years or 40 years. I choose the truth that God is a good loving father. I decide to ignore the whispers of the enemy “if God loves you, he wouldn’t have taken her”. Our mindset is a CHOICE.

Do you surround yourself with God’s word? Do you CHOOSE to hide his word in your heart (and mind)?

Miss A shared these sweet photos off her phone tonight. One benefit of having teens with phones is they love to take photos. I had never seen these and they thrill my heart. The joy on Millie’s face as SJ embraces her....that will be the joy on my face as I embrace her one day in heaven. 🦋💖

Praises:
💕 Daddy is readjusting to his Work schedule.
💕 Ady’s day 2 of Immunotherapy is done.

Prayers:
🔹 We have two weeks left until our school year starts. Pray that all the preparations come together quickly.

Even If (Mercy Me)

When you read this post tonight some of it might not make sense until you watch this video testimony from MercyMe.

Every Person, every Christian has those mountain top days. The really good days when everything is going in your favor. You can’t imagine life getting much better than this. But then every person, and yes every Christian has those valleys. The lowest spot in their lives where nothing else could go wrong. Nothing could be worse than where they are right now, today. Yes sometimes those even come in the same day....

This video mentions chronic illness and says “if you know anything about chronic illness it never goes away. You have your good days and your bad days but it’s still there.” My mind immediately said “Until it does and you no longer have your child”. It also makes me think that grief is a ‘chronic illness’. Reread that.... You have your good days and your bad days but it’s still there. So much truth! However he doesn’t leave it there. It’s so worth the listen.   

https://youtu.be/O_WSeZh5mWA

Today was a good day.... Tonight was a hard night. I’m not sure there was a dry eye in the house. One child confessed...”I’ve lost one of my best friends, my little snuggler”. We each started sharing how hard today was. Some talking more than others. Little man climbed on my lap and said “Millie was my best sister and best friend. It’s going to be a long time until we see her again momma”. Yes for those of us left here without her, it will feel that way. It’s hard to consider living the rest of your life missing her and daily walking through grief.

#BecauseOfMillieIamChanged
#forever3
#evenif
#Mercyme
#Faith
#Trust

#Itiswellwithmysoul

#Jesus

Praises:
💕Friend Ady’s day 1 Immunotherapy is complete with only a headache. Praising God🙏🏻
💕Miss K’s best friend was in a serious car wreck today but is okay. Banged up but will heal. Praising God...

Prayers:
🔹Pray for peace in the many grieving hearts of our family tonight. If you love so deeply, you will miss so dearly 🦋💖 Millie was so loved.

JOY - Jesus First, Others Next, Yourself Last

I found my JOY🦋 where I least expected it this morning. After a good Sunday School lesson, a friend handed me some color sheets for the kids to use in church.
J -Jesus First
O- Others next
Y- Yourself last

This acronym reminds us to keep our focus and our JOY 💖

Also as I was wishing my favorite twins Happy 24th birthday, I found a picture of Millie with one of them. The kids spent a lot of time with this special lady (sorry I don’t have her sisters pic) over the last 6 years. They always have a great time playing games, cooking treats, and doing chores. These girls, along with their sisters (5 total) have invested in my kids as piano teachers, mothers helpers, house cleaners, school teachers, bible school teachers, drivers, and so much more. The going joke at one time is they were the “rent a mother” for us. We have been so incredibly BLESSED by them, their character, and their Christian love. The values that their parents instilled in their children show in the way they live their lives. I pray the same is said for my children.

Praises:
💕 It was a good day in God’s house. I’m glad to be back worshipping today.

Prayers:
🔹Daddy’s first day back at work is tomorrow.
🔹Pray for a peaceful night. Missing Millie is heavy today.
🔹Friend Ady admitted tonight and will start Immunotherapy #1 tomorrow am. Pray that the pain is manageable and controlled quickly.

Grounded in Christ

 As we start to slow down for the evening, we begin to prepare our hearts and minds for tomorrow. Sunday. A day of worship. An opportunity to gather together with other believers. For many people it is also the only day they consider including God in their lives. You've read Millie's story long enough to know that my (momma's) heart is to live every day for Jesus. My heart is also to see my children walk in truth and fellowship with Christ.

Many children are raised with no spiritual grounding or knowledge. Some are raised with only going to church on Sunday or maybe a special holiday. Some are taught at home how to read their bibles, study scripture, pray, and praise. Scripture tells us that Jesus came and died for all those children equally. Each person has the opportunity to give their life to him through
A) Admitting they are a sinner
B)Believing Christ died on the cross to take their place
C) Confess Jesus as Lord.
Did you know some people will go their whole life 'living like a Christian' without ever simply choosing to follow the ABC's and submit their lives to Christ?

Early this morning as I came into the kitchen, I saw daddy at the table, bible open, head bowed, starting his day. He didn't announce it to the family. He wasn't being showy. He just chooses to start his day with Jesus. I am so grateful when I married this man 30 years ago as a baby believer that his heart was to learn, grow, and serve the Lord. It thrills my heart to know that he desires to see his children walk in truth just as much as I do.

We have taught our children about Jesus since they were tiny infants. As I have shared before, we 'bless' them each night before bed. "May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. May the Lord lift his countenance upon you and give you his......PEACE" I capitalized peace because they always yell that part. It's the first word to the blessing that they memorize. You may have heard Millie say peace in her tea party video. That is her ending her prayer over her food. https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=271961567491297

We read bible story books, we watch Nest bible videos, we play praise and worship music, we make an effort to put God's word in our children. All those things are great, but even greater still is our children seeing us follow Jesus. Have you heard that saying "do as I say and not as I do?". That never works out does it? That is where people start thinking Christians are hypocrites. In reality, they are probably not hypocrites as much as still baby Christians who have never gotten deep into God's word. They have belief but don't know where to go from there. Hebrews 5:12, New Living Translation talks about that...
"You have been believers so long now that you ought to be teaching others. Instead, you need someone to teach you again the basic things about God’s word. You are like babies who need milk and cannot eat solid food."

Where are you tonight? Are you a new believer? Have you been a Christian for years but need to get into his word more often? Are you wondering if you even know him? I'd like to encourage you to do it NOW. Ephesians 5:15 tells us to "redeem the time because the days are evil...." meaning do it now, don't wait! However the whole chapter of Ephesians 5 is a good place to start.

Another thing to consider is what you fill your mind with. While driving today I was listening to KLOVE radio ( http://www.klove.com/ ). Each song is so encouraging. Each one I wanted to share tonight and say "YES THIS!!!" but I can't share them all. I encourage you to find this station either on your radio, the app, or livestream and dive in. Let me know if it speaks to you like it does me?

Millie asked to go to church whenever she was home. She loved to sing the songs and eat the doughnuts (we are Baptists, you have to have doughnuts...lol) In her last few days we often told her "did you know in heaven nobody has cancer? Nobody's tummy hurts in heaven. You get to see Jesus in Heaven." And on that last day, in the last few moments after blessing her one final time, we said "run to Jesus baby, don't be scared. We love you!". You see our assurance is that she waits for us there... Now our job here is to prepare our other children to know about Jesus so they can make the CHOICE to KNOW JESUS.

Praises:
💕 I’m grateful that Millie’s Miracle didn’t stop when her life did. The fact that she touched you all enough to want to read and pray for her (and our family) is tremendous. Thank you for letting me continue to share my heart.

Prayers:
🔹Pray for those reading tonight that needed to hear and believe that Jesus loves even them.
🔹Pray for Ady as she begins Immunotherapy this week. It can be a rough painful treatment. She has to do 5 rounds over 5 months. Pray it will be manageable or no pain.

Gettin it tight!

 Little Man funnies....

“Dad do you know what ‘gettin it tight’ means? It means bless you”

SJ pipes up “that’s gesundheit!”

In the still of the night

 Before bed each night, Little Man says “I need to see a Millie video”. I think in the quiet of night, when we all slow down, it gives our minds the opportunity to reflect on Millie. She filled our life in such a big way. Our house seems empty now... that sounds funny considering we still have 5 kids and 2 adults living here. One little girl so very loved, filled our lives, hearts, and home with her presence

The daily rocking chair time with momma....

Putting on her boots to go outside and work with daddy....

Chasing Josh around the kitchen table....

Watching her cuddle Joe at every visit....

Making silly videos with Miss K....

Having Miss M paint her toe nails....

Riding the 4 wheeler with Miss A....

Playing secret spies with SJ....

Demanding “woofie” her pet dog (Little Man) follow her around and let her pet him....

Making her a thousand burritos, chocolate doughnuts, pudding, taquitos, “chicken-beef”, and breaded chicken depending on her current whim.

Listening to her call ‘Grundma’ on the phone.

Watching Grandma push her on the swing at every visit.

She was so smart, sassy, and funny rolled up in one. She loved and she loved big....

In the middle of the night hearing ‘Mom? Dad? I wub you’

So many memories. So much to be thankful for. Thank you Jesus for blessing our family with Amelia Joy

Grief is lonely

 Grief is....

Lonely. Seeing my kids play by themselves. Taking a picture of Little Man or SJ playing without Millie. It opens my eyes up to just how intricately she is woven throughout our family. Seeing our grandbaby come looking for Millie...hearing the teens struggle. Just this morning, one commented how much she missed her little snuggler. Me not having her to rock to sleep at night....

Today I changed my sheets on my bed. That was an accomplishment, something to think about. I’ve avoided it because it was the last unwashed item that might have her smell (besides her lovies). Millie slept with us the night before she passed. We were all three cuddled together in our bed one last time. It makes sense to have clean sheets yet I had to pause and make a choice that I was ok with it before I did it.

Each step is a step toward healing...as if you could ever heal from a piece of your heart being gone. Maybe healing isn’t the right word. Maybe it’s a step towards accepting that life will never again be what we expected.

Although we will forever miss Millie, we can not just permeate sadness forever. Our lives will have JOY again. It might be tinged with the sorrow that she’s not here to experience the happiness with us, but there will be things that bring joy. Children marrying, grand babies to be born, graduations, SALVATIONS, so much life that our family has yet to live. Our precious sweet Millie, while she took a part of my heart when she left, she is always with me in my heart. There is nowhere I go that she’s not on my mind

Romans 15:13

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

This verse reminds me to TRUST in Him. Only through that trust can my heart overflow with hope again.

I feel like I might be rambling this evening. Sometimes the swirling emotions, random thoughts, and rational mind all clash to see who will be victorious in winning the moment. This is what brings the exhaustion... We are in a battle.

Twenty days later

 I'm not sure I have anything profound to say today. I'm still pretty tired and heading to bed on time tonight...yay me!

As I mentioned yesterday, we have been pretty busy the last few days. One thing I realized that grief makes me more exhausted. I'm not handling the little stuff nearly as patiently as I want.

Last night as I ordered iced coffee with cream at McDonald, they told me they were all out. I asked if they had hot black coffee....'yes'....and ice?....."yes". "Okay that's what I want. Just put cream in the cup and I will pour it in when it cools." Man taking the order agrees, however window #2 could not get it right. First she hands me the hot coffee...that's good. Next a cup of ice water...nope I just want a cup of ice and cream. Then she hands me just a cup of ice.... nope I want cream in it. As she tells me "mam, we don't have cream" I start to argue "yes you do I order it here all the time. That's the only reason I came here" She gives me 'the look'... you know they one that says you are stupid and need to move along??!?? Yeah that one. As I drove away I burst into tears. Was I crying about cream? No, I was crying with all the pent up emotion of the last few weeks.

One of my less than grace filled children said 'get over it mom its not life or death'...this made me cry even harder and respond "I am allowed to cry whenever I want". That's a big thing for my <<non crier>> self to be able to say.

Grief is a funny thing. Even though we are all walking it together, we all walk it alone. We handle it differently. Some are private and don't speak much of Millie. The little children speak of her daily. Daddy and I have to carry our own grief and help all the others through it. That's a heavy load. I worry about missing something...someone. I know God's grace is sufficient and I am resting in that, but I still have worry sometimes.

It has been 20 days since I last held my sweet baby girl. It feels like a lifetime has passed, but then I realize it's still July. Time has an odd hold on me right now. Tonight's pictures are from her newborn session. Such a precious sweet baby girl. So very loved!

Happier Days

 Happier days.... These pictures represent a time in our lives when we were ‘normal’. Between 18 months and 2 Millie was such a happy little girl.

Today was a productive day for the most part. We ran lots of errands, had our house cleaned as a gift to us, and finished it off with school clothes shopping. We are stepping outside of our ever expanding comfort zone and allowing Miss M and Miss A to attend a private Christian school this year. I still plan to homeschool the rest of the children. So many changes in such a short time.

I also spent the afternoon taking pictures of “to sale” stuff. It’s amazing how much stuff we own that we need pass on. I plan to start listing it tomorrow.

It’s 12:45 and I’m exhausted tonight. Thanks for checking in on us. Off to bed, better late than never

Praises:

We completed the school shopping today thanks to a sweet friend who offered to guide us about the dress code. Relief!

Prayers:

Pray friend Ady’s bone marrow aspirate is % cancer free as the results come back soon!

Sleeping at last

 It’s a good Sunday....

For the first time since Millie left us I have slept all night, tear free, and not hurting physically. My body was so inflamed the last two weeks. The steroids really have helped to settle the inflammation down. I have been taking many natural supplements to help but nothing was working.

Saturday we were able to pass some of Millie’s things to our precious grand baby. Little miss is ready for size 3’s and that’s what Millie was wearing this summer. I did keep the ones that held memories of special events or favorites. Of course I kept her Millie shirts. I kept some little socks, her sweet hats, and her bows. I’m still not sure if I want a quilt or to make a memory bear.

We plan to get a shelf to place her stuff on. Her boots, blankets, bear, monkey, and pictures. There are other things that were at her service that we will mix in. It will be a work in progress, but I’ll show you all whenever we get it together.

We also pulled out all our “baby” stuff to sell or give away. With Millie being close to 4 years old and no more babies showing up around here, it’s time to clean stuff out. After having a baby in the house for the last 29 years, this is a big adjustment.

As school starts back up soon we also set up our new homeschool area. It’s another thing we have done forever... This is our 26th year! I have lots of curriculum to get organized and sold. I feel like there are so many areas in life that got away from us this last years. In a family our size you can’t let stuff stack up too long or you will be over run with stuff.

Blessings friends. Thanks for all your prayers