What do we pray for?

 Prayer is on my heart today. People often tell me they are praying for me and I appreciate it so much. I know that it is the power of prayer that has walked me through the last year and a half. We are told to carry other’s burdens in scripture and praying for others is one way we can do that.

Galatians 6:2 “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

What is bothering me right now is what do we pray for? What do we request prayer for? It used to be easy to say “pray for Millie’s blood counts to come up” or “pray that she will have no hearing loss” but now… pray for what?? That we will not hurt? We will! Pray that we will be healed? We are not sick. Pray we are comforted, yes please do. Our hearts need the comfort that only Christ can provide. SJ and I were talking about Christmas Miracles and in her always knowing fashion she said “I know you did not ask for a miracle this Christmas because all you want is Millie and there is no way she will come back to earth. We won’t see her again until heaven!” How did she get so smart? Yes I agreed, that is a miracle that there is no point in praying for.

We went to the cemetery today for a few minutes. I do not go often because in my heart, I KNOW that my baby is not there. Her earthly shell is there. The body that betrayed her, but not my sweet Millie. She is in heaven, healthy, happy, and pain free. When we arrived the first thing I noticed is someone had placed Christmas flowers on her grave. ((Thank you whoever did that!!)) I removed her now deflated birthday balloons and hung a Christmas jingle bell. It seems odd decorating it without her headstone set. We had arranged for it to be set by this week, but something went wrong in the engraving. They called to let me know it will have to be re-polished and engraved again. It will not be set until January. I tried to be gracious and tell them it would be fine. They kindly offered to set a vase in the spot until the stone was set, but I did not see a need for that.

We are closing in on Christmas now. The time is drawing short, the gifts are wrapped, the tree is decorated, the food is bought. I hope we have prepared adequately. I hear Santa is making a list, but in reality Santa’s wife has been making a list or multiple lists. Trying to ensure we have a semi equal number of gifts to open is a headache with a large family. Add to that stockings for the kids… and should you include the grandkids or let their parents do that… Staying in budget, not being extravagant, buying useful gifts is all things that bring anxiety. Not once has one of my children ever complained that they did not receive more. Not once were they worried about what a sibling received, so why do I worry so? I guess it is this is an opportunity to show them how special they are to us. I want to take every opportunity I have to shower them with love. (I know love doesn’t equal gifts…)

Santa David did all the grocery shopping for Christmas eve dinner and morning brunch today. Mrs. Santa sent a list and he and his little elf helper, Miss A reported they found it ALL. If they didn’t, then I’m going to assume we didn’t need it. I was grateful for the help as it just seems so hard to make decisions this year… food… gifts… activities… overload… Now we wait for parents, kids, and grandkids to arrive on our doorstep.

Did you see my footer I made for my posts?

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　Hebrews 11:1 ｡,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

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I was looking for something whimsical, kind of like snow blowing, but could never find the right symbols for it. I chose the line “I still believe in Millie’s Miracle” for two reasons. Her tee shirts that many of you bought said “I believe in Millie’s Miracle”. I added the word “still” because I do STILL believe in her miracle. Not the miraculous healing we hoped and prayed for, but the miracle of faith… The unseen miracle of believing in something greater than ourselves. The miracle of Millie bringing us together as a community. Of a little girl touching so many that never met her, yet she changed their lives. I STILL believe in that faith, even when the days are hard and life looks bleak, I am still trusting in Jesus.

Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

Millie's quilt

 I received an early Christmas gift that has blessed my heart and brought JOY to my face. This gives me a BEAUTIFUL way to display Millie’s clothes

Even her headbands and socks were included at my request

I love it!. Thank You!!

I highly recommend

Sewl Sister

She does awesome work.

#IstillbelieveinMilliesMiracle

#Hebrews11one

#Blessed

#MemoryQuilt

Christmas choices

 Tired does not begin to express how my body feels today…this week…this month! I wondered if Christmas would be hard because of the emotion of remembering Christmas pasts with Millie. It is not (so far!) I have sweet memories of her in the past. Christmas seems to be so hard because of all the expectations that come with it. Parties, food, gifts, events, music, decorations, all beckon me to get with it…to get moving. The more it calls, the more my body shuts down. I am not being a scrooge, rather I am just not physically able to do it. My mind does not want to engage in the efforts it takes to have a Merry Christmas.

My disclaimer here is yes I know all the right things to say…

• Take time for myself

• Rest

• Do not give into others’ expectations

• Do what is best for my grieving

However, reality sings a different tune. Reality says, “you are a mom of lots of other kids, you have to do this”. It reminds me “if you don’t do it, who will?”. It points out that all of us did not die and those left behind deserve to live life as we wait for heaven... it is just hard for daddy and me to imagine that.

So, the truth is I am not doing a great job ‘taking time for myself’. I am not resting well. My body is aching all over, especially my lower back (I am not sick). I have eaten so much JUNK that I am swollen and inflamed. My self-control towards Christmas treats is lacking mainly because they are readily available and take no effort to make. Isn’t crazy that I know I will feel awful, yet I keep making bad choices almost methodically. Choosing easy over healthy. Circling the drain, I guess…

What I crave right now is simple, quiet peaceful moments. Instrumental music that is relaxing, soft twinkle lights, a clean house, and JOY. Can you imagine the JOY Millie has this Christmas? What a day that will be when we join her at the feet of Jesus. When the trappings of this world fade away and we meet him face to face.

Speaking of Christ are you aware that the “Star of Bethlehem” is visible in the sky tonight. It is believed by many that this it the star that the Magi followed to find the babe in the manger. Today is also the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the season and the longest night. From here forward the days start to get longer and we start to look towards spring, at least they think so in Hobby Lobby. Most of the Christmas things are gone and spring is quickly filling the aisles! Next week stores will be putting out swimsuits. Obviously, I’m tired when I can start with Christmas and end up with bikinis all in one post, haha!

I hope your family is having a Merry Christmas season. I hope your financial needs are met. I pray your family is well and can be together. I hope your heart is open to the calling of Christ both for salvation and for direction for your life. Pray for us parents’ tonight that have but one need in our life…. a need that will not be fulfilled this side of heaven’s gates. It is a need to hold our little ones in our arms once again. Pray for our hearts, our peace, and our stamina to continue on in life. Blessing Friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝓘 𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓫𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓮𝓿𝓮 𝓲𝓷 𝓜𝓲𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓮’𝓼 𝓜𝓲𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓵𝓮 ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

𝓗𝓮𝓫𝓻𝓮𝔀𝓼 11:1　

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

A Empty Manger is an Promise

 It is ‘Christmas Sunday’ today. That last Sunday before Christmas arrives. The chance for you to wear all your fancy Christmas clothes to church one last time this year. It is also 2020, a year where so many are quarantined in their homes away from friends and family. Our little country church had a much lower attendance today. When about 1/3 of the church members were on the stage to sing about the gift of baby Jesus, those of us left in the audience were few and far between… great for ‘social distancing’ I guess.

Each year some of my children performs in the annual Nativity play. It looks different from year to year. Most years it is performed by the children, often close to a wooden stable that is placed in the front of the auditorium. This year the focus was on the manger alone. Placed prominently on the stage, it drew your eye to the backlight cross above. Mary and Joseph (SJ and Little Man) came down the aisle to take their place around the manger. A stirring depiction of Christ, but in reality an empty box. From where I sat you could not see inside and could only guess the manger was empty. It looked good. It played its part. It served the purpose of drawing your mind and eye to Christ. It DID all the right things, but the heart of that box was a void…an empty place… You see without Christ your life is empty.

You can look the part of a Christian. You can follow the rules. You can know the Bible. You can be filled with the knowledge OF Christ without being filled WITH CHRIST. I think this is often the hardest part of being raised in a Christian home. It is a place where Christianity is lived and taught almost as a morality. Children with Christian parents know all about how to be a Christian, but that does not save them! There is no grandfathered in Christians… It does not matter if your grandma, your grandpa, your mom, your dad, and your great aunt Betty are Christian. Until YOU choose for yourself to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, you will not be saved. The tricky part is being raised around Christians means you have enough head knowledge to ‘believe’. But did you know you can believe something and still not DO IT?! Doing it in this case means that you are surrendering your life to the will of Christ Jesus. The trusting in Christ comes when you are letting him be the boss.

Oftentimes we forget that we celebrate Christmas to remember a baby born in a stable and laid in a manger. We start thinking it is about the hustle and bustle of the season. We look at the lights in awe when we should be focused on the creator of light. We agonize over the ‘perfect’ gift when we reject the only true perfect gift. We eat until our heart and gut are more than content making us uncomfortable and needing new clothes. Our eyes can lose sight of the true meaning of Christmas. One way we try to keep the focus of Christmas both fun and meaningful is to make sure we are focusing on the important things in life. Christ, family, and friends are how we place our importance. Today held a good mixture of all three.

An old tradition of ours, Christmas craft and Gingerbread house construction with our friend “Abbie B” once again filled our kitchen table this year… (yes I am aware her name has changed, but we will forever call her that). This year her sweet hubby and most precious baby joined in the fun! It was such a blessing to hear our girls laugh about all their shared jokes over the years. They discussed memories of the past and shared what keeps them busy now. They even convinced her to read a story that she read to them each Christmas when she was our mother’s helper, and they were just little girls. Another fun benefit is she has a lot of sisters and we were blessed that two of them showed up with husbands and children in tow also. We were blessed to hug necks and snuggle new babies we had not met yet. Our hearts are full.

The young women in this family, all 5 of them have impacted our life in so many ways. One taught us piano, another taught ukulele. They cared for our babies, always making the time they were babysitting fun adventures. They have played games, sang songs, taught memory verses, and completed craft projects. They have helped homeschool, taught art lessons, held teen bible studies, and taken the children to sing at the nursing homes. They have vacationed with us, churched with us, taught back yard bible club, and one had SJ in her wedding. Most importantly, they have been Godly examples of young Christian girls, now Godly women, that have grown to be wives (4 of 5) and mothers. They have each been a light to my girls in this dark world. They have each invested of their time and desired to sow into my daughters. The JOY my girls feel when they visit is evident. (((Good Job Mama B!)))

Proverbs 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

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Becker's Wedding

 My mama heart if full today. One of my “kids” but not really mine married today. I watched my son be his best man, they have been best buddies since childhood. Now they are both married men.

To see the fulfillment of both our children grown up AND our precious friends’ children grown up filled my heart. To take it further and see both my grand child and their grandchildren at the wedding solidifies that our next generation will also be friends. For that matter, Little Man has been proposing to their granddaughter for a few years now....

Busy full heart days keep the tears down. They keep our mind occupied. They allow for a break in our sorrow.

An added benefit was getting pictures with my guys. It always makes my day to hug them. As adults men they are often too busy working to be at the house much. I miss the days of them being home. However, I am so proud of who they have grown up to be. First off they both love JESUS! Second they each work hard and provide for their households. One married with children, the other single, but both respectful men who value family. I am grateful for them AND their daddy who taught them well.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#Neuroblastoma

#ChildhoodCancer